Standard Lines
by BluEyes
Summary: Ross catches up to Emily at the airport. Monica decides she's not on London time. Randler seeks solace in each other. - Season 5 with a twist CR, CM, RR *COMPLETE*
1. Prologue: Delicious Ambiguity

**Standard Lines**

**Prologue: Delicious Ambiguity**

~.~

_I apparently have major story-ADD lately. I am seriously not pleased at all with my second and third chapters of _Sometime Around Midnight,_ so while I try to revamp that storyline completely...you can enjoy this other fic that I started months ago?_

_This is just the prologue. The next chapter will explain a lot more about when this is and all that….Just have some faith and leave a little love/review after reading :)  
_

~.~

Chandler slid slowly out of bed, careful not to wake the woman still asleep beside him. If he did, they would be forced to speak, and that would be breaking the silent rules they had been following. It was just sex. Just. Sex. Nothing else. Nothing more, nothing less. Just physical. Well, they actually hadn't spoken about it, but the fact that it was going unspoken lead him to believe that those were her thoughts as well as of that moment.

What else could this be, anyway? It was all far too complicated for them to be anything other than nothing at all.

He pulled his tshirt over his head, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing his jeans as well. He sighed, not looking forward to his short trek across the living room to the front door. There were only about twenty steps from the spot he stood in to his own front door, but those twenty steps could mean disaster if the other person in the apartment were to wake.

And so he counted his paces as he crossed the room, not even shutting her door tightly behind him, but leaving it open a crack. No one could wake up. If anyone woke up, that was the end of the magical-ness that surrounded…whatever the hell it was that was going on. If anyone else woke up, that could be the end of not only the two of them, but the six of them as they knew it. And so he held his breath as he turned the front door knob, opening and closing the door as quickly yet quietly as possible.

When he got to the hallway, he sighed in relief. Another night of success. However, tomorrow…

Tomorrow could always bring disaster.


	2. Ch 1: Eastern Standard Time

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter One: Eastern Standard Time**

~.~

_The first part of this scene blatantly stolen from canon, and obviously not mine._

~.~

Chandler and Monica looked awkwardly at one another, the aloneness they had been searching for since Ross's wedding finally finding them.

"We certainly are alone," Monica forced an awkward laugh.

"Yea, good thing we have that, 'Not in New York Rule,'" Chandler replied, just as awkwardly, not meaning a word of it. This wasn't supposed to be awkward.

"Right," Monica agreed. "Um, listen, since we're-we're on that subject, um, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother…"

"Right," Chandler laughed.

"Well, an-anyway, I just—that night meant a lot to me, and I guess I'm just trying to say thanks."

Chandler smiled sincerely, taking a step closer. "Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me, too, and it wasn't because I was in a bad place or anything. It just meant a lot to me, 'cause…you're really hot," he grinned, causing them both to laugh. "Is that okay?"

Monica laughed, nodding at him. "That's okay."

Chandler leaned forward. "And, I'm cute, too," he prompted her.

"And you're cute, too," Monica laughed.

"Thank you," Chandler smiled, giving her a hug that definitely qualified as friendly more than anything else. "All right. I gotta go unpack."

"Okay."

"Bye," Chandler looked back at her with one last smile before walking out the door. Monica thought for a moment before following after him, hesitating at the door as she thought better of it as she turned around. When the door opened quickly behind her, she nearly jumped. "I'm still on London Time, does that count?" Chandler asked, and Monica nodded, Chandler wrapping his arms around her and kissing her.

Monica eagerly kissed back for a moment before realization set in. "Chandler," she shook her head, pulling back.

"What?"

"I just, I-I don't think," she shook her head. "I mean, we said it would just be in London. And I don't, I don't think…"

"You don't think what, Mon?"

"I don't think you can be on London time and New York time at the same time. I mean, that's a five hour difference. There's an ocean in between. It's not physically possible. You're either on London time, or you're on New York time. It's-"

"Okay, I get it," Chandler backed up and away from her, trying to hide how hurt he actually was by her stopping the kiss. "I get it," he repeated, softer.

"Chandler," Monica sighed at his hurt demeanor. "I just, I don't think it would be a good idea for us," she motioned between them, "to…ya know? I just don't want to ruin what we have…."

"Right," Chandler nodded, feeling stupid for even considering coming back and kissing her. They had agreed it was just a one-night thing. He had almost forgotten she didn't think he was boyfriend material, or at least _her_ boyfriend material. He was stupid for thinking that night in London was anything more than that: one night.

"Chandler," Monica stepped towards him, reaching out to touch his arm, feeling like they should talk more, but he shrugged away from her touch, heading towards the door.

"You're right," Chandler nodded. "It would be a bad idea," he added, trying to make himself believe it. "I'll see you later, Mon," he added before walking out the door, closing it slowly behind him.

Monica again sighed, staring at the door. She just made the right decision, right? They couldn't sleep together again now that they were home, because now that they were home, it had an entirely different connotation than when it happened at her brother's wedding.

It was a bad idea. They were too good of friends to let it go any further. They would turn into the next Ross and Rachel.

It was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea.

And maybe, if she repeated that thought enough times, she would actually believe it.

~.~

_Um…sorry so short. In all reality, the first three chapters of this could all be one chapter (excluding the prologue), but…I don't have the time to get it all written. It's all written in here, though (You can't see me, but I pointed to my head). Short, frequent updates, or long, sporadic updates-- which is better? That wasn't rhetorical :)_

_Review, please and thanks! I'll update as soon as I can!_


	3. Ch 2: Some Craziness Allowed

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter Two: Some Craziness Allowed**

~.~

_You guys crack me up. Mondler fans are like, 'oh, no, it's gonna be Randler!' and Randler fans are like, 'oh, no, it's gonna be Mondler!' :)_

_Also…sorry for the delay between chapters. I've been working a ridiculous amount (my bank account thanks me for this), have been sick for weeks (lack of sleep because of the previous reason?), and wedding planning is freaking time consuming. We set an official date. Did I mention that? Super exciting since we've been engaged over a year, but someone (a-hem), had a bit of a problem actually committing to the whole getting married thing even with a ring on a certain finger, but…long story short, I got over myself and we set a date and planning is time consuming. And weddings are f-ing expensive, sheesh! Anyway, if anyone finds wedding-planning exciting (or is just super nosy like me!), our wedding planning site is: www (dot) mywedding (dot) com (/) austinandjamie_

_Shall we actually get on with the story? I think so…._

~.~

Monica sat at her kitchen table, flipping through a magazine, only half-reading the articles full of relationship advice, weight-loss tips, and pictures of all the latest styles. Every month was nearly the same, so she wasn't sure why she kept renewing her subscription. She had hoped that reading it would bring some sort of a mind-numbing distraction from thinking of Chandler, though, since that's the only thing that had been on her mind lately. He was avoiding her, and she knew it. Obviously, things hadn't gone back to normal, even though they had agreed they would. He seemed almost hurt over the fact that she had stopped their kiss the day they had gotten home from London, but they had both agreed it wouldn't happen when they got back home. And since he was avoiding her, there was no way for her to talk to him and figure out if that was the case.

Stopping things with him had been the right move, right? She couldn't help but doubt that a little more every day that went by….

"Hey," Ross greeted Monica gloomily as he walked into her apartment, dropping his suitcase on the ground since he had come straight from the airport.

"How'd it go with Emily?" Monica jumped up. He had called from the airport saying Rachel had gone to Greece and Emily had shown up at the airport, but that's all he had really said.

"Chased her through the airport, all the way from the gate to the entrance, but," he sighed, "yea, I did."

"I take it from the tone and fact that you're here that it didn't go so well?" Monica asked, sitting beside him.

"Something like that," Ross scoffed.

"So," Monica looked at him expectantly, and he just sighed.

"She's willing to give us a shot…."

"Oh my god, that's great!" Monica jumped up to hug him.

"**If** I agree never to see Rachel again," Ross continued.

"What, that's crazy! She can't make you do that!"

"Well, I did kind of say the wrong name at the altar, so some craziness is probably allowed…"

"What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know," Ross sighed in exasperation. "I mean, Rachel is one of my best friends, I can't just not see her anymore. And if I can't see her, how can I see the rest of you guys?" he asked rhetorically, though he was half-hoping for some advice on the subject. When Monica said nothing, he continued. "But, Emily is my wife. We are **married**. She's my **wife**_._ If I even want to attempt to make this work…I have to give a little bit. I haven't exactly started this marriage out on the right foot. And maybe, if I can convince her she can trust me, then I can start seeing Rachel again…"

"So, what, you're just cutting Rachel out of your life?" Monica asked, gathering from the end of that statement that he'd already made the decision.

Ross shook his head, sighing again as he stared down at the table. "What other choice do I have?"

~.~

Ross looked up every time someone walked by the waiting room. He and Monica had been with Phoebe at Central Perk when her water broke, so they had come to the hospital with her, but were still waiting on Rachel, Chandler, and Joey. Mostly, he was waiting on Rachel. He had been avoiding her since her return from Greece, figuring she was mad that he more or less abandoned her on the plane on the way there. He was also completely unsure of how to break it to her that he couldn't see her anymore. It would break her heart, and he knew it.

Was he really doing that? Making that big of a concession to Emily to work on their marriage?

He had to. They were married. His second marriage, already, before he was 30. He had to make this marriage work.

At the cost of cutting someone important out of his life, though?

"Hey." Ross looked up at the sound of Rachel's voice. "The guys are on their way," she added, sitting down beside him. Ross just nodded, looking down for a moment to gather his thoughts before looking up.

"Look, Rach, I'm sorry about Greece," he began, but she brushed it off.

"What's to be sorry about? I saw Greece! For free! Not too shabby of a deal on my part," she smiled, grabbing a magazine from the table.

"So, you're not mad?" Ross asked, to which she again shook her head.

"Of course not," Rachel forced a smile, which Ross completely bought. "I mean, you had to go make your whole marriage thing work, right?"

"Right," he smiled, though he knew that emotion would be changing shortly. "Look, Rach, while we're on that subject, there's-there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Okay," Rachel hesitantly set her magazine down. "What's up?" she added when he didn't continue. Ross sighed, breaking eye contact as he looked down at his feet. "Ross, you're kind of freaking me out here…."

"Okay," he finally began softly, scooting a bit closer to her. "When I talked to Emily, she said she was willing to work on our marriage," he began.

"Are you looking for my permission?" Rachel attempted to joke. "Because you're already married, and we've been broken up for, like, two years, so…."

"No, it's not that," Ross again sighed. "She said she was willing to work on 'us' under one condition."

"You're gonna do it, right?" Rachel finally asked after he didn't continue. "I mean, you went all the way to London to marry this girl. You abandoned me on a plan to Greece to go after her…."

"I am," Ross nodded.

"Well, good for you, then," Rachel smiled at him before leaning back in her chair, going back to her magazine.

"Her condition is that I stop seeing you," Ross finally blurted out, and Rachel again moved to the edge of her seat, setting the magazine down.

"What?"

"She said she would work on our marriage…if I never see you again," Ross said quietly, staring straight ahead and not at Rachel.

Rachel stared at him, shocked and hurt. "Glad to know I mean so much to you," she scoffed, standing up.

"Rach, wait," Ross stood up to stop her.

"But you already told her yes," Rachel shook her head. "You already agreed to it. There's no need to talk to me about it. In fact, isn't this breaking the rules right now?"

Ross stood in silence for a moment, not sure what to say to that. "I'm sorry," he finally whispered.

Rachel just nodded. "I'll make this easier for you, then," she finally whispered back before walking away, holding back tears.

"Don't go. I'll go," Ross started after her, but she shook her head, hurrying faster towards the door. Ross sank back into his chair. Yep, that was exactly how he had imagined it going. Well, except the reality had been about ten times worse than he had imagined. Hurting Rachel was never his intention but always seemed to be what happened.

Rachel hurried down the hallway towards the elevator, afraid that Ross or even Monica might come after her, and not wanting to face anyone at the moment. Hitting the down arrow over and over, she stared at the ground, in disbelief of what had just happened. Really, she was in disbelief that Ross had gotten married. And in disbelief about how stupid she had been. She went to London to try to stop him from getting married. Stupid. She agreed to go on his honeymoon with him. Stupid. She-

"Are you leaving already?" Rachel looked up suddenly at the sound of Joey's voice as the elevator door opened and he and Chandler stepped off.

"Just to get coffee or something," she shook her head, trying to hide the fact that she was on the verge of crying.

"What's wrong?" Joey asked, but Rachel shook her head, stepping onto the elevator.

"Ask Ross," she said quietly before the doors closed. Joey and Chandler looked at each other and shrugged before heading towards the waiting room.

As they got closer, Chandler spotted Monica and Ross sitting and talking. He wanted to run. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was sit in the same room as Monica for hours. They hadn't even spoken in a week, not since they got back from London. He had been avoiding her with a vengeance, unsure of how to act normally around her, and still rather hurt she obviously found the thought of being with him so horrible even after their amazing night in London.

And that's when Monica looked up, making eye contact with Chandler.

He couldn't do it.

"I'm gonna go see what's wrong with Rachel," he mumbled to Joey, who nodded as Chandler turned to leave.

Monica watched him, biting her lower lip. She'd actually been waiting for him to get there, wanting to talk to him. Or just see him. She missed him.

"Where'd Chandler go?" Monica asked once Joey had sat down beside Ross.

"To check on Rachel," Joey replied. "Dude, what happened?" he turned to look at Ross. "She was all cryin' and stuff."

Ross sighed. "Well, Emily said she would work on our marriage under one condition," he started.

"Which is…" Joey prompted him when he didn't continue.

"That I stop seeing Rachel."

"You said no, right?" Joey laughed.

"She's my wife," was Ross's only response to that.

"Dude, how long have you even known Emily," Joey looked at Ross, shocked. "A couple of months? And how long has Rachel been in your life?" When Ross didn't respond, Joey continued. "So, what, you're just never gonna see Rachel again?"

"Well, not **never**, just…not until Emily trusts me again…."

"Dude," Joey shook his head disapprovingly. "No wonder she was upset."

"Joe, I don't really have a choice here."

"Of course you have a choice!"

"Yea, what, my marriage or Rachel?"

"Yea!" Joey nodded, and Ross sighed, Monica staring awkwardly at the ground. She agreed whole-heartedly with what Joey said, but was also trying to be supportive of Ross.

"You know what?" Ross shook his head. "You come talk to me about this when you're in a grown-up relationship and can understand what it means to compromise," he said before standing up, walking out of the room and towards Phoebe's room.

~.~

"Mind some company?" Rachel looked up at the sound of Chandler's voice, forcing a smile as he sat down at the cafeteria table across from her. "You okay?"

Rachel shrugged. "I'm just stupid."

"Not as stupid as Ross?" Chandler said back tentatively. "I mean, I have no idea what's going on, but that's kind of how your guy's track record has gone, so…."

Rachel laughed, nodding at that. "Ross told Emily he'd stop seeing me," she finally said.

"What?"

"She told him that was the only way she would stay married to him, or something like that," Rachel shook her head.

"That's insane. He's known her, like, two seconds."

"You're telling me," Rachel nodded, sipping the coffee in front of her. Chandler stared at her for a moment, doing some thinking of his own.

"Want something stronger than that?"

"Like an espresso?" Rachel wrinkled her nose.

Chandler laughed. "I was thinking more along the lines of the bar down the street, but, sure, an espresso if that's what you want…"

Rachel laughed at that as well. "Either of the above sounds good. Anything to get the hell out of here sounds good," she nodded. "We'd better go tell Phoebe we're taking off for a bit, though."

"Probably," Chandler nodded, neither of them making a move to get up.

"So, who are you avoiding up there?" Rachel looked at him accusingly, since he was glued to his chair just as much as she was, and he had been the one to suggest leaving.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Chandler looked away, but that didn't stop Rachel from staring at him. "Maybe I just enjoy the pleasure of your company."

Rachel again laughed. "Fine, don't tell me who you're avoiding. There's only four people it could be, so it probably won't take that long to figure out," she shrugged, and Chandler looked down, a bit nervous at that thought. "So, how 'bout that drink?" she asked, picking up on the fact that her figuring out who he was avoiding was making him uncomfortable.

"That drink would be perfection," Chandler nodded, standing up.

"There you guys are," Monica walked up behind them. "Joey's checking in downstairs, and I can only be so many places at once."

"Why is Joey checking in?" Chandler asked.

"He kept having these really bad pains, and for the first five minutes, Phoebe thought it was cute and they were sympathy pains, but after Joey asked what the 'worst pain he's ever felt, including being kneed in the balls by Marcy Vecchio' could mean, the doctor said it sounds like kidney stones," Monica explained.

"Where is he?" Chandler asked.

"He's still in the waiting room on the third floor."

"I'll head up there," Chandler started back towards the elevators in the lobby, figuring Joey wouldn't want to be alone, and completely thankful for yet another reason to get away from Monica.

"I'll just go with the guys," Rachel said quietly, pointing in the direction that Chandler had taken off in.

Monica smiled at her sympathetically, touching her arm. "You don't have to."

"Yea, I do," Rachel sighed. "I'm so mad at Ross, I don't even know how to be in the same room as him right now," she said, and then chuckled, "which, I suppose, is good since, I'm not technically allowed to be in the same room as him."

"Rach-"

"That whole situation is crazy, right? I mean, it's not just me. Emily telling him he can't see me is crazy. Him agreeing to it is crazy," she looked at Monica, waiting for her to agree. "Marrying someone, from another country, when they've only known each other for months is crazy. The whole situation is just…crazy."

Monica finally nodded in agreement, before sighing heavily. "Look, Ross said he can still see you until Emily moves here in a couple of weeks…."

"Well, that makes the whole situation better," Rachel replied sarcastically.

"Rach, I don't know what to do," Monica finally conceded. "Yes, I think it's crazy, but…it's Ross's decision, not any of ours. And as long as he's happy," she shrugged, "I'm not getting involved."

Rachel finally sighed, nodding slightly. "It just sucks, ya know? It was bad enough after we broke up and couldn't be in the same room without fighting. I just, I don't want to lose all of you because I can't see Ross. Because I've obviously already lost him, which sucks enough, so…" she trailed off, wiping at her eyes. "I'm fine," she shook her head, when Monica wrapped an arm around her, attempting a hug. "I mean, I'm not, but I'll pretend to be. Today. For Phoebe," she nodded.

"She would probably appreciate that. She doesn't know any of this is going on," Monica offered a slight smile.

"Well, yea, she's doing the whole selfless, having her brother's babies thing, so she probably doesn't need to be bothered with our trivial problem," Rachel laughed as she again wiped at her eyes, checking to see if her mascara was running.

"So, you're coming back upstairs with me?" Monica asked, and Rachel finally nodded.

"Yea, I'll go back upstairs with you," she sighed, following after as Monica headed back towards the elevators.

~.~

_This chapter was kind of the rest of the setup, in case you didn't get that :) _

_Reviews are appreciated! And kind of needed. My muse in this fandom is kind of fading, so without reviews, I really can't promise I won't go back into retirement. And that is so not a threat, but the truth :(_


	4. Ch 3: Drowning Sorrows or Something

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 3: Drowning Sorrows...or Something**

~.~

_I got an internship this summer! Doing exactly what I want to be doing! Which is super exciting! But…I also plan on continuing to work my two current jobs, so…if I do more or less disappear around the beginning of June until the middle of August, that would be why. And I apologize, but...well...there's this whole "real world" thing that evidently is supposed to come before the whole "writing" thing, so....  
_

_Thanks for the reviews, and please keep it up! Maybe I'll get super motivated and finish this before June. Haha, that was a funny joke. But I can definitely try…._

~.~

Rachel sat in the waiting room, closing her eyes for a moment, emotionally exhausted from the events of the past twenty-four or so hours. Being around Ross had been excruciating. She didn't know how to act. So, she acted like he wasn't there. Out of all of the phases of their relationship, she wasn't sure which hurt the most: loving Ross or hating Ross. Both of them seemed to end up with her being hurt. But picturing her life completely without him…

He'd been a huge part of her life for the past five years, and someone she had known since she was a kid. How could he cut her out of his life? Especially for someone he barely even knew, even if he was married to her.

"Ready for that drink?" Rachel's opened her eyes suddenly at the sound of Chandler's voice as he sat down beside her, looking as exhausted as she felt.

"I was thinking more along the lines of home and bed, but," Rachel shrugged, "after the past twenty-four hours, I could definitely go for a drink first," she nodded.

"Me, too," Chandler sighed as he stood up, Rachel following suit as they headed out.

"So, are you going to tell me what's up, or am I just going to have to guess?" Rachel asked. "Should we tell them we're leaving?" she added, pointing to Phoebe's room.

"I already did. Monica's staying with Phoebe tonight. Joey already left. Ross disappeared right before I left, so," Chandler shrugged.

"And the answer to my other question?" Rachel raised her eyebrows as they reached the elevators.

"You'll probably get it out of me a lot easier after the aforementioned drink," he conceded with a sigh, hitting the down arrow in front of him. "Or two or three of 'em…"

~.~

Though it was getting to be later in the evening, it felt more like morning to Rachel since they'd been up all night the night before waiting for Phoebe to have the babies. She wasn't sure if it was the lack of sleep or extremely strong drinks, but whatever the case, after her drink and a half, she was already feeling more than slightly drunk. And though she was already feeling slightly drunk, she was not feeling better at all about the whole Ross situation. Looking around the bar they had ended up at, she noticed it was starting to get busier, which meant it was getting later. After looking around, her vision landed on Chandler, who was staring at his drink, playing with the napkin beneath it.

"We make quite the pair tonight," she laughed, leaning closer to him so he could hear her. He laughed at that remark and nodded, but didn't look up. When he still didn't respond after a moment, she again looked around, but regretted it when a man who came off as slightly creepy met her eye, still watching her when she looked away. Feeling his eyes on her, she looked down, knowing he was coming over to her.

"Can I buy you another one of those?" Rachel looked up when he stopped beside her, motioning to her drink.

"No thanks, I'm good for now," Rachel forced a smile, also motioning to the fact that her glass was almost full.

"Aww, but you'll need another one eventually right?" he sat down beside her, moving his seat entirely too close to hers.

"She said she's good," Chandler moved his seat closer to Rachel's from the other side, taking her hand on top of the bar. After a few seconds the man finally conceded, standing up and walking away.

"Thanks," Rachel smiled, turning to Chandler, who only shrugged, again staring at the drink in front of him. "So, are you gonna spill, or just sulk all night?"

"Well, the sulking's working pretty well for me right now, so," he trailed off, shrugging.

"Chandler," Rachel said softly, touching his hand, which was again twisting the napkin beneath his drink, and he sighed, giving in.

"I slept with Monica," he finally said, barely above a whisper, and barely audible in the crowded bar.

"You what?" Rachel asked as she leaned in, not sure she heard him right.

"I slept with Monica," he repeated, slightly louder. "Oh, but don't get too excited about it," he added off of the shocked look on her face. "It's not like it was completely amazing or anything. It's not like we both know something's there and always has been. Because we're friends, and we wouldn't want to ruin that or anything," he spat out bitterly before finishing the rest of his drink and motioning to the bartender that he wanted another.

"Chandler," Rachel said softly, her heart breaking for him at the hurt in his eyes. She suddenly realized she hadn't been paying attention to how many drinks he'd had so far, but was pretty sure he'd had quite a few more than she had. "When?" she finally added.

"In London," he replied. "The night before the wedding. And then we spent the rest of the trip trying to find two seconds alone together. But that never happened. And then we got home, and," he shrugged. "For a few hours there, I got my hopes up. Completely forgot that I'm not boyfriend material."

"She was just joking around with you about that," Rachel shook her head, remembering the summer before at the beach.

"Was she, though?" Chandler asked, taking a drink from the new glass in front of him. "I've never been that great with women. At all. I've never even had that many women I've been that close to. But Monica," he trailed off. "I feel like I **am** close to her, and she's been a big constant in my life for some time now. And if **she** doesn't even want to be with me," he trailed off.

"Wow, who broke you?" Rachel asked, having been thinking it, but not meaning to say it outloud.

"What?"

"Who broke you so badly that you have, like, zero self esteem?"

"Charles and Nora Bing," he looked up at her with a slight smirk, and Rachel laughed. "But seriously, Charles and Nora Bing," he repeated. "I just, god, I feel so stupid," he ran his hand through his hair. "And now, I don't even know how to act around her. So, I'm avoiding her…."

"And you're just going to avoid her forever?"

Chandler shrugged. "Hadn't really thought it through. I just can't…I can't be around her right now," he looked at Rachel, and she suddenly realized why he was admitting this to her: she understood.

"Right," Rachel nodded. "I know how that goes," she sighed, taking a drink from her glass as well.

"Here's to us making quite the pair tonight," Chandler laughed ironically, holding his glass out, and Rachel clinked hers to his before they both took a long drink, drowning their sorrows the least constructive way ever, but the only way they could think of for the time being.

~.~

Rachel woke up the following morning, cursing the slit in her blinds where light was shining through, her head pounding from the night before. Rolling over and away from the window, she froze, not making it very far before rolling into someone else. She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing very well who it was and trying hard to sort through the events of the night before that would have led to sleeping with him. It was a failed effort, though, her memories of the night before all fading together in an incomprehensible drunken haze. That, and her head was pounding too hard to think. Any second now, her eyes were going to explode, she was just sure of it.

"I can leave if you want to pretend that squeezing your eyes shut that hard is **actually** making me disappear." Rachel let out a small laugh at Chandler's quip, opening her eyes slowly.

"I just don't think I can open my eyes without my head exploding," she explained, barely whispering as she looked up and he locked eyes with her. The eye contact made her heart race for some reason, but she attributed it to the shock of the situation.

"Tequila shots chased with run and coke: one. Rachel and Chandler: zero," Chandler laughed, feeling almost as miserable as Rachel looked.

"When did we do shots?" Rachel moaned, head now in her hands. "Yea, that's not the part of last night to be focusing on," she shook her head, trying to clear her mind. "What the hell happened last night?"

"God, I don't even-"

"Rach?" Rachel and Chandler both froze at the knock on the door and the sound of Monica's voice. "Are you up yet?"

"Yea, just a second," Rachel called out, trying to keep her voice steady, Chandler looking at her in a panic. "Hide," she suggested in a whisper, suddenly realizing how bad Monica walking in on this situation would be. Under normal circumstances, it would be bad. Awkward. Not ideal. Possibly disastrous. Given that Monica had also slept with Chandler less than a week earlier, she could only imagine the consequences.

Chandler immediately jumped out of bed, grabbing his clothes from the floor and throwing Rachel her robe before running into her closet, closing the door as quietly as possible behind him. Rachel pulled on her robe quickly, taking a deep breath before opening up the door.

"Hey, what's up?" Rachel leaned against the doorway, trying to sound casual.

Monica squinted at her for a second, trying to figure out what took so long. "Were you naked?"

"When I'm alone, I like to sleep naked," Rachel shrugged, walking away from the doorway and into the living room, hoping that Monica would follow. She did, and the two sat on the couch.

"Hey, um, can I talk to you about something?" Monica finally asked, and Rachel swallowed hard, afraid she already knew what was coming next.

"Su-sure," Rachel nodded, praying that the next words out of her mouth had nothing to do with Chandler or London. She could only imagine how that conversation would go. _Oh, really, you slept with Chandler? And have feelings for him? Great, because he's right over there!_

"You know what," Monica shook her head suddenly, losing her nerve. "It's not important," she stood up. "I'm going to go shower. Phoebe's all bummed out about giving up the babies. She actually asked me to ask Frank if she could keep one of them," Monica shook her head sympathetically. "Anyway, I was thinking we could do something later with her to get her mind off of it. Maybe a movie or something?"

"Yea, definitely a good idea," Rachel nodded, heading back to her room as Monica headed into the bathroom. Once the door was shut, Rachel hurried back into her room, throwing the closet door open.

"Jesus," he gasped as the door flew open. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Monica's showering," Rachel explained. "So you need to leave **now**."

"Oh, good," he let out a sigh of relief, grabbing his shoes and socks that were in the middle of the floor. "I thought I was going to be stuck in there all day. You really need to clean out your closet. There's no hiding room in there…too many clothes and shoes in the way."

"And what am I supposed to do with my clothes and shoes, then?" Rachel asked, noting a couple of condom wrappers on her night stand and tossing them into the trashcan.

"Well, do you need that many clothes and shoes?"

"Do you need as much porn as you have?"

"Point taken, touché," Chandler nodded, letting Rachel step out of the room first.

"Coast is still clear," Rachel nodded, looking around the living room and noting that the bathroom door was still closed. Chandler nodded, hurrying across the living room to the front door, Rachel a few steps behind him.

"Are we….okay?" Chandler hesitated at the door, turning to face her. "We were both really drunk and upset last night, and it's all really complicated, so I don't quite know what to do with," he motioned between them first, and then to her bedroom, "this."

"Me neither," Rachel whispered, laughing under her breath as Chandler's eyes widened when they heard the shower turn off.

"I'd better go," he said quietly, nodding out the half-open door and to his own front door, and Rachel nodded in response to that. Chandler hesitated for a second, about to walk out the door, but then paused. "Can I just check something first?"

"Sure," Rachel shrugged, but was taken back when he leaned in, tentatively kissing her on the lips. Rachel closed her eyes, kissing back as the shock wore off, the events of the night before suddenly coming back in a rush as she did.

Just as suddenly as the kiss started, though, he stopped, rushing out the door as the door to the bathroom opened, leaving Rachel standing, head spinning, in the middle of the kitchen alone.

"Who was that?" Monica asked, hearing the front door shut as she walked out of the bathroom in a robe, hair in a towel.

"Oh, um, the guys are hungry," she lied quickly. "I told them to come back in a bit."

"I'm surprised Joey left if he knew you were naked under there," Monica laughed, referring to Rachel still wearing only a robe.

Rachel just shrugged, walking towards the bathroom, barely forcing out a sentence stating something to the effect that she was going to shower now, too. She smelled like Chandler, and it was messing with her mind. That, and the fact that he felt the need to kiss her before he left. Rachel quickly grabbed a couple of advil from the medicine cabinet and swallowed them before turning on the water, stepping under the hot stream.

Closing her eyes, she fought herself on either remembering or forgetting the night before. The remembering part won, though, her brain fighting to comprehend the convoluted memories she came up with. They were all drunken, hazy memories. Well, the ones leading up to Chandler kissing her were hazy and full of holes. Something about the bar they were at being a college bar, reluctantly joining in on a couple of drinking games brought on by the other people sitting at the bar. Leaving to go to the bathroom and having someone take her seat. Joking with Chandler about it when she came back. Getting pushed up against Chandler by the crowd of people.

And then he kissed her. Out of nowhere, she was pretty sure, but she had been on the receiving end of a kiss from Drunk Chandler before, so it wasn't entirely surprising.

Kissing back was, though. And there was a lot of kissing back. In the not-sober memories she had of the night, though, she couldn't be completely sure if they made out in the bar for five minutes or an hour, but in her head it seemed to go on forever, the way that drunken making out always seems to. And then leaving together, rounding the bases in the backseat of a cab on the way home like a couple of teenagers, barely stopping kissing long enough to walk up the stairs, going into her apartment….

Rachel opened her eyes. She needed to stop thinking about it. Needed to stop thinking about him. Needed to stop. Turning the shower water to cold, she jumped slightly at the coolness on her skin, grabbing the shampoo.

Taking away the physical heat for the moment did nothing to cloud her memories, though. Now that she was remembering the night, her brain wouldn't stop. All she could think of was the feeling of Chandler's lips against hers, against her neck, her shoulder, his fingertips running down her back, along her sides, across her tummy, then down….

She needed to stop. It was _Chandler_ she was thinking about. They were both just upset and on the rebound. And they were drunk. Very drunk. The night before was probably actually nowhere near as good as she remembered it. It just seemed that way since she was incredibly intoxicated. In all actuality, Chandler was probably terrible at all of the physical stuff. Not that she cared, anyway.

She had been sober when he kissed her a few minutes ago, though.

And it suddenly hit Rachel that Chandler had kissed her for that exact reason, to find out if it was all just in his head since he'd been drunk.

Damn him for kissing her. And damn Ross for being the reason she was upset. And damn Monica for being the reason Chandler was upset. And damn the distillers of alcohol. All kinds of alcohol, as Rachel was pretty sure there had been quite a few types that had been drank over the course of the night before.

Turning the water off and grabbing for her towel, Rachel sighed heavily. God damn it all….

~.~

_I would say to still not assume anything, but...you guys should know me well enough by now to know that you shouldn't assume because I rarely follow any kind of assumptions made. ;) Not that I do it on purpose. I just like being unpredictable.  
_

_Please review...they make me oh-so-happy :)  
_


	5. Ch 4: An Intoxicating Hypocrite

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 4: An Intoxicating Hypocrite**

~.~

_Guess who's going to look at wedding dresses later this week?? So excited!!! I feel like my life is falling together perfectly at the moment. Falling together makes it sound like it just happened that way, though, which it didn't. I put ridiculous effort into everything I do, and it's ridiculously wonderful to see it all finally starting to fall together. And I know life is capable of falling apart just as quickly as it falls together, but I hope life will work out for me for a while longer right now, at least :)_

_Aaaand, now that's I'm done gloating about my life, on with the story…._

~.~

Chandler sat at Central Perk, flipping mindlessly through that morning's paper as he drank his coffee. He now had two reasons to avoid Rachel and Monica's. Although, now that he thought about it, coming to Central Perk probably wasn't the place to do it. Any of the other twenty-five coffee shops within walking distance would have probably been a better choice.

He needed to do some thinking, but didn't know what to think. He still had yet to talk to Monica. He didn't want to talk to Monica. All he wanted to do was avoid Monica. Well, no, he wanted to be with Monica, but if he couldn't be with her, he wanted to avoid her.

He still wanted to be with Monica, right?

The night before with Rachel kept pushing that thought away. Yea, it was all a drunken blur…but it was a hell of a good drunken blur. A fun drunken blur.

In all honesty, Chandler had never even considered Rachel in that way. Well, he did think she was hot, and there was that time he'd walked in on her topless after a shower shortly after she moved in with Monica, and he'd be lying if he said that didn't lead to a few thoughts, but he'd still never really thought of her like…that. Monica, yes. Rachel, no. Rachel had been the girl Ross had been "in love" with for so long that he'd considered her off limits from the start. And he wanted to brush all of the weird, mixed-up feelings he was having off as a drunken one-night stand, but…

He kissed her. He had to kiss her. He had to know.

Now, though, he almost wished he hadn't.

He couldn't get her out of his mind. There was something there. Something completely unexpected. Unexpected made it exciting. Maybe that was the reason behind his heart racing just at the thought of her. It was exciting.

Chandler looked up as someone sat down beside him. He forced a smile; should have picked any other coffee house within walking distance.

"Hey," Monica said softly, leaning into the couch beside him.

"Hey," Chandler replied, suddenly feeling guilty for avoiding her.

"Look, I know you're avoiding me, but," Monica paused, shaking her head in her uncertainty, "I don't want you to avoid me. I don't want it to be weird with us. I-I miss you, Chandler."

"I'm sorry," Chandler offered sincerely. "I just-it's weird…."

"Let's not let it be weird, then," Monica shrugged. "Because the point in us not being an 'us' was not to ruin our friendship, and I feel like that's what's happening anyway."

Chandler digested that thought for a moment, unsure of how to respond to it. "It'll get better," he finally offered softly.

"What if," Monica paused and took a deep breath, but was interrupted when Phoebe and Rachel walked through the door.

"We'd better get going. The movie starts in twenty minutes," Phoebe said as both she and Rachel stopped behind the couch.

Rachel glanced quickly at Chandler and Monica, wondering momentarily what kind of conversation they were interrupting, swallowing the tinge of jealousy she felt at that.

She shouldn't feel jealous. She should be happy that Chandler was actually talking to Monica since he had been so upset over her the night before. Looking up, she momentarily made eye contact with Chandler, who was watching her from the corner of his eye. Swallowing the heavy lump in her throat at the feeling even eye contact evoked, she offered a small smile.

"Do you want to come to the movie with us?" Monica asked Chandler as she stood up.

Chandler wrinkled his nose. "It's gonna be a chick flick isn't it?"

"Does that change your answer?" Phoebe asked, and Chandler hesitated, but stood up to follow the girls. "Joey and Ross aren't here. You can admit you like chick flicks."

"I don't like chick flicks," Chandler scoffed unconvincingly, all three girls laughing at that. As both Rachel and Monica seemed to purposely fall into step on either side of him, Chandler inwardly groaned, making a mental note to try to sit next to Phoebe at the movie, not really wanting to deal with either of the other two. His inward groan turned to an inward laugh, though, at the thought that Joey wouldn't believe his current situation even if he told him.

~.~

At the movie, Chandler did end up sitting next to Phoebe, but with Monica on the other side. Rachel was seated on the other side of Phoebe, and though she was trying hard to think of anything but Chandler, she couldn't help but shooting daggers at Monica for sitting next to Chandler and leaning into him. However, she did notice that Chandler seemed rather uncomfortable with how close Monica was sitting, but she couldn't be certain exactly why. Did he still just feel awkward around her? What had they been talking about at the coffee house?

Chandler felt like his head was going to explode. From how close Monica kept leaning to him, he could almost swear that the end of the "what if" statement she had started before Phoebe and Rachel walked in was something to the effect of "what if we were an 'us.'" What the hell was he supposed to do with that? Twenty-four hours earlier, it would have been a no-brainer. Hell, he probably would have kissed her right there in the middle of the movie theater or would have at least been holding her hand at even just that possibility. But today….

How could one drunken night change everything?

Rachel was watching him. Them. Rachel was watching them. She kept looking over. Finally giving in, Chandler looked at her as well. And in that moment of intense eye contact, Chandler suddenly found himself wishing it was Rachel sitting next to him, not Monica.

It couldn't be Rachel and not Monica, though. It would crush Monica.

But Monica had just crushed him.

Or it **could** be Rachel and not Monica. For all he knew, the end of Monica's "what if" statement was nothing to the effect of wanting to be with him. For all he knew, she just felt bad and was trying to make up for hurting him. Feeling her arm brush against his on the armrest between them, Chandler looked back at Monica, smiling when she looked over and smiled at him. Well, **that** was wishful thinking.

Turning his attention back to the screen, Chandler wished he cared about the movie playing, but in all honesty, hadn't even paid attention to the title, caring much more about the movie-esque storyline that was currently his love life.

~.~

"Hey," Ross greeted the five others as he walked into Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone else seated in the living room eating dinner. He ignored the various greetings he received in return, instead focusing on Rachel, who looked rather uncomfortable in his presence.

"I'll just go," Rachel pointed to her room, standing up.

"Wait, Rach," Ross walked towards her. "Can we talk?" he asked softly. "Please?" he added off her skeptical look.

"Isn't that breaking the rules?" Rachel asked bitterly, and Ross just sighed.

"Just five minutes, Rach?" Ross pleaded, Rachel trying hard not to look around at the other four sets of eyes she felt on her.

Rachel finally conceded, still heading toward her room, but motioning for Ross to follow. After closing the door, Rachel shrugged, looking at Ross. "What?"

"I just…I feel like I need to explain myself," Ross sighed. "I never mean to hurt you, but…it always seems to happen. I just, I never know how to make things right with us."

"I'd say," Rachel scoffed, but Ross ignored it.

"I said the wrong name at my wedding," Ross continued. "Imagine what Emily must feel like. I mean, there's no good time to say the wrong name, but if there's one really, really bad time…."

"You never were good with the whole timing thing," Rachel laughed slightly, causing Ross to as well, lightening the mood a bit.

"I have to give my marriage a chance," Ross looked her in the eye as she finally took a step towards him. "And all of you might feel like that's the wrong thing to do, but," he shrugged, "she's my **wife**. We got **married**. Whether or not anyone else feels like we rushed into it, it's what **we** both wanted. And I screwed up. Big time. Already. And if not seeing you for awhile is what it's going to take for her to trust me again…Rach, I have to give it a shot."

Rachel nodded, attempting to hold back tears, taking a breath to speak, but shaking her head, not able to.

"I'm sorry I'm hurting you, Rach, but…it's not about you," he finally said softly. "It's about me and Emily." Rachel again nodded. "I just…I don't want you to hate me for it."

"I don't hate you, Ross," Rachel shook her head. "For all of the times that I've been just…so, so mad at you…I could never **hate** you."

"Good to know," Ross nodded. "I really don't think this is forever," he added, attempting to leave as few moments of silence as possible. "Just…until she trusts me again."

"Well it sucks."

"It does suck," Ross laughed. "I kind of suck at the whole relationship thing, apparently."

"You don't suck, you just…are really, really great at screwing up," Rachel smirked, causing Ross to laugh.

"Are you okay?" Ross asked, taking another step towards her.

Rachel nodded, but then shook her head. "But I will be."

"Good," Ross also nodded, stepping forward to hug her, and she let him, still trying to hold back tears at the thought that this was the last time she would probably see him for quite awhile. Ross slowly rubbed her back, trying to remind himself of why he was giving her up from him life, even temporarily. "I should go," he finally whispered, needing to leave before he changed his mind. Rachel tended to do that to him.

Rachel nodded as she stepped back, wiping at her eyes. "Probably a good idea."

"I'll…see you," Ross looked at her momentarily before heading towards the door, not looking back once as he started walking. He mumbled a quick goodbye to the rest of the group before heading out the front door, the four in the living room looking around at one another, not sure what to do next, so going back to eating in silence.

A few moments after Ross left, Rachel emerged, slightly red-eyed, from her bedroom, looking like she was still on the verge of tears. Walking slowly over to the couch, she sat between Monica and Phoebe, who both immediately and silently wrapped their arms around her.

Chandler watched, wanting to jump up from the chair and run over to her. He wanted to hold her, and kiss her, because if kissing her had the same effect it did that morning every time they kissed, he had a feeling that doing so would make her feel better. And he wanted her to feel better. Because her crying was breaking his heart.

Chandler sighed heavily, glad the current situation was a good enough one as a cover for the cause of the sigh.

He was in trouble.

~.~

Chandler sat in his barca lounger, unable to sleep. He'd laid in bed for hours, but his mind wouldn't shut off for the night. He kept thinking. About Rachel. And Monica. And Rachel. And Monica.

And Rachel.

Maybe it was because his memories of being with Rachel were still fresh in his mind. Maybe it was because there was something almost wrong about being with Rachel. Maybe it was because the idea of being with her was new and exciting. Whatever the case, she was the one who kept interrupting all other thoughts.

He flipped through the channels mindlessly for a few moments, laughing when the movie he landed on was _Weekend at Bernie's_.

He needed to see her.

As if on cue, Chandler turned around, swearing he heard a soft tap on the front door. Muting the tv, he walked to the door, smiling when he looked out the peephole and saw who it was. Opening the door slowly, he stepped back, letting her in.

Rachel offered a small smile and a shrug. "I can't sleep," she whispered.

"Me neither," Chandler replied, just as softly. "I kind of can't get someone off my mind…."

Rachel nodded. "I kind of took a chance on that when I came over here." They were awkwardly silent for a moment, both unsure of what to do or say next. "Mind some company?" she asked, motioning to the tv that was turned on in the living room.

Chandler smiled at that, shaking his head. "I was just watching _Weekend at Bernie's_," he replied, and they both walked slowly over to the living room, Chandler sitting in his chair.

"This is actually _Weekend at Bernie's 2_," Rachel sat down in Joey's chair. "Not as good as the first one, but still an acceptable form of entertainment at two in the morning."

"I wouldn't sit there," Chandler shook his head at her, looking over.

"Since it's Joey's chair, do I even want to know why?" Rachel made a face, jumping up from the chair. Chandler shook his head fiercely as she walked over to him. He moved over slightly, making room for her to sit as well, which she did. She sat stiffly for a moment, second-guessing if she should have come over or not. She couldn't sleep, though, still upset over Ross and unable to get the past night with Chandler out of her head. Being around him was so nerve-wracking, though. As he slid his arm around her waist, though, she relaxed, melting into his arms.

Chandler knew he shouldn't be doing what he was doing. He knew he was crossing a line while sober that alcohol had been an excuse for crossing the night before. He also knew that he shouldn't be crossing that line until he figured out what he wanted. Or, rather, whom he wanted.

But she smelled so good. And the closer she got to him, the faster his heart started beating. It felt like when he was in high school and talking to a girl he had a crush on. Being with Monica, wanting to be with Monica, had been a good feeling. But even just being around or thinking about Rachel…. Well, it was something else altogether.

As Rachel leaned against his chest, Chandler leaned his chin against the back of her head, slowly breathing her in. At that move, Rachel slowly turned to face him, closing her eyes in anticipation of the kiss.

And he kissed her. Slowly kissed her. Heart-racing, slow kisses, unsure of what to do with his hands, it felt more like high school. Turning completely to face him as she climbed onto his lap, Chandler wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her completely against him. It was like a drug. Kissing her was like a drug. Her taste, her smell, the feeling of her hand on the back of his neck. It's what he had been missing all day. Kissing her was like a drug. Being around her was like a drug. Thinking of her was like a drug.

And now she was playing with the top of his pants. Heart pounding in anticipation of what was coming next, he pulled his thoughts together enough to pull back slightly. "Joey's home," he whispered, pointing to the other bedroom door. "We need to," he pointed to his own, but then leaned in, kissing her again, needing to kiss her again. Damn her for being so intoxicating. Rachel nodded between kisses, standing up slowly as Chandler stood up as well, the two taking the few steps towards his room, never breaking the kiss.

~.~

Rachel woke up a few hours later, Chandler's arm still wrapped around her waist. She smiled at that, leaning in to kiss him before pulling away.

Chandler stretched as Rachel got up, waking up at the loss of her body heat. "Leaving?" he whispered sleepily, rolling over as she searched for her clothes on the floor, pulling them on.

"Yea," Rachel replied just as quietly, sitting back on the bed, now in her pajamas. "See you in a couple of hours?"

"See you in a couple of hours," Chandler affirmed, pulling her in for another sleepy kiss before laying back down. "'Night, Rach."

"G'night," Rachel whispered in reply before carefully opening his door, looking around the still dark living room before making her way across it and out their front door, into her own. Hurrying across her and Monica's living room, she breathed a sigh of relief once she was in her own room. Lying down in bed, she started up at the ceiling, her head spinning. Tonight it wasn't from the alcohol, though, but from Chandler.

What in the hell was going on? She didn't like Chandler, did she? She couldn't like him like that…or could she? She had never really entertained the possibility, never thought of him like that at all. Was this just some sort of convoluted rebound for both of them, since they were both obviously upset over the Geller siblings?

Or…was it more than that?

That thought was too much to handle. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut, praying for sleep to come. All that came, though, were more thoughts of Chandler. She smelled like him, and, if she thought about it, she could still feel his lips against hers, trailing kisses down her neck, falling asleep in his arms….

She wanted to go back over there and sleep with him longer. That could bring nothing but disaster, though. And until they both sorted out their feelings, either physical or emotional, they didn't need to cause disaster.

~.~

Rachel got out of bed an hour later, not having gone back to sleep, and tired of laying in bed thinking. She was surprised to see Monica up as well so early, sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper and drinking a glass of juice.

Monica looked up in surprise when Rachel emerged. "Wow, you're up early."

"Couldn't sleep," Rachel shrugged, heading straight to the coffee maker to start some coffee.

"Me, neither," Monica sighed, finishing what she had been reading before looking up at Rachel, who sat down on the other side of the table. "I slept with Chandler."

Rachel's breath caught in her throat. _No, Monica, no_, she thought, swallowing hard. Anytime but right now. Anytime but hours after she came home from being with him. "You-you what?" Rachel asked, glad her surprise seemed adequately placed given Monica's confession.

"I slept with Chandler. In London," Monica repeated, setting the paper down completely.

"Are you-what-what happened?" Rachel asked, trying to ask the right questions for someone who was hearing this information for the first time and not currently sleeping with the man she was talking about.

"I don't know," Monica shrugged. "I was upset, and he was sweet, and there was a lot of alcohol involved, and," Monica trailed off, Rachel holding her breath at what else Monica was going to admit.

"Was it-was it just a one-time thing, or…?" Rachel tried to keep her breathing steady, her heart pounding so loudly she was surprise Monica couldn't hear it.

"Well," Monica started, "that's where it's complicated. We agreed it would be a one-time thing, but then he seemed like he wanted more when we got back, but I said no because I didn't want to mess up our friendship. But then, he was avoiding me anyway, and realizing how much I missed not seeing him for that amount of time got me thinking, and…"

"And," Rachel repeated, trying to swallow the knot in her throat.

"And I thought, why did I say no to him? What if there's something there?"

Rachel tried to steady her breathing. Monica couldn't have confessed this to her the day before. She couldn't have even told her the night before, before she went over and spent the night with Chandler. "Well, what are you going to do?" Rachel finally asked, standing up to pour some coffee, needing to face away from Monica.

"I don't know," Monica sighed. "I just…needed to get it off my chest."

Rachel nodded, slowly pouring her cup of coffee. God, she was a horrible friend. She may not have completely known this was how Monica felt, but…she knew it could be. She knew it very well could be. And yet she went over to Chandler's the night before anyway.

"What do you think I should do?" Monica finally asked. "I mean, I know you have your own…whatever…with Ross to worry about right now, but," Monica shrugged, "What would you do?"

Rachel closed her eyes, still facing away from Monica. Well, she wouldn't have let Chandler go in the first place. She would have gone over there and acted on her feelings and let the uncertainty dissolve.

"I don't know what to tell you, Mon," she finally sighed, pulling herself together as she turned around, handing one cup of coffee to Monica and sitting down with her own. "It's complicated when you date a friend," she offered, completely sincerely.

"That's what I said!" Monica's eyes lit up, obviously glad Rachel agreed with her on that point.

Rachel took a long, slow drink of her coffee, though it burned her throat all the way down. _Hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite_, she scolded herself. She wasn't dating Chandler, though. At least she didn't think so. Setting her cup down, she sighed. Oh, she was being the worst kind of hypocrite. Or, at the very least, the worst kind of friend.

As the front door opened, both Rachel and Monica looked up in surprise, not expecting the boys to be up that early, either. When they saw it was Chandler, both of them gave him the same warm smile, and Chandler forced a smile in return.

"Didn't really expect anyone else to be up this early," he forced a slight laugh, grabbing a coffee cup as well. God, he was a bastard. They were both giving him the same look. He should have skipped breakfast and gone straight to work early. "You know what, I have an early meeting, so I'm just gonna go shower," Chandler pointed to the door, taking his coffee with him. "I'll see you guys later," he added before walking out the door.

"See, he's acting weird, right?" Monica pointed to the door. "I mean, more so than usual."

Rachel laughed at that. Oh, god, she was a horrible friend. "Yea, he is," she agreed, though she knew the real reason he was acting weird. She knew the real reason he had to feel so awkwardly in a room with only the two of them. Oh, she was a horrible friend. A hypocrite, and a horrible friend.

She was a hypocrite and a horrible friend, yet when she turned the right way, she could still smell Chandler on her t-shirt, which made her smile.

If she wasn't so damn infatuated with the guy at the moment, she probably would have hated him.

~.~

_I would say I'm above begging for reviews, but…puh-lease review? With sugar on top? It makes me want to update so much faster! Thanks to those who are reviewing already, I very much appreciate it!!!_


	6. Ch 5: Some Kind of Effect

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 5: Some Kind of Effect**

~.~

_Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews!!!! Here's a quick update in return :) _

~.~

Chandler sat at his desk at work, sipping a Starbuck's coffee, an hour earlier than he normally arrived. He'd stopped at Starbuck's for coffee on the way, not wanting to stop at Central Perk again and run into either of the girls.

God, he felt like a bastard. How did Joey do this? He wasn't even technically seeing either of them, yet he felt like scum about what he was doing.

What had he been hoping to accomplish when he went over to their apartment that morning, anyway? Actually, he knew exactly what he'd been hoping to accomplish. He'd been hoping to see Rachel. And then Monica had to go and give him the exact same look Rachel did when he walked through the door…

God, he was a bastard. He just wasn't cut out for the whole two-girl thing. He needed to pick one. But that meant hurting one of them, and he really didn't want to hurt either of them. Or, maybe, it meant hurting both of them.

How the hell did this mess start in the first place? He cursed alcohol, which seemed to be the cause of all of his problems.

Picking up his phone, he started dialing, but then stopped, hanging it back up. Sighing, he looked at the time. Seven fifty-eight. He had awhile before Rachel would be at work, and he wanted to talk to her at work, not at home. Maybe he would just take an early lunch and go see her.

Hitting his mouse to turn off the screensaver, he scooted closer to his desk. If he was going to get to work early, he'd might as well get something accomplished.

~.~

Chandler sat, glancing at his watch, waiting for Rachel. He felt almost sneaky making an appointment with her in order to see her, but it was too late to undo it now. Looking up at the sound of someone coming, he smiled as she came into view.

"You're my eleven-thirty?" Rachel looked at him, not sure if she should be happy to see him or mad he showed up unexpectedly.

"Apparently," Chandler shrugged slowly, trying to gauge her reaction. "Don't worry, I'll buy something so you don't lose your commission."

"Just what every girl wants to hear the morning after," Rachel smirked at him playfully as they headed back to the dressing room.

"N-no, I didn't mean-" Chandler started to sputter, but Rachel cut him off.

"I was kidding, Chandler," she turned to him and smiled, and in that moment, Chandler completely forgot that his intention had been to go there and tell her they couldn't let last night happen again.

As he fought himself to break eye contact, he somehow managed to lose the ability to speak. He tried to find the words he kept saying to himself, but they wouldn't come out. He tried to make himself tell her the last two nights were…amazing, but they couldn't happen again. He tried to make himself tell her he can't hurt Monica like that. That, really, she didn't want to hurt Monica like that. _Tell her something, you idiot,_ Chandler swallowed the lump in his throat, finally finding his ability to speak. "Is your lunch soon?" he finally whispered, knowing better, but finding it hard to say anything else.

"As soon as you're done here," her lips curled into a small smile in return to his question.

Chandler looked down at what he was wearing before shrugging. "I don't really need any new clothes…."

Rachel laughed at that. "Well, I was kind of looking forward to dressing you up, but I suppose I could deal with having lunch with you, instead…."

"You suppose, huh?"

"Yea," Rachel took a step closer to him, making his heart rate increase about one hundred fold. "I suppose."

Chandler took a step closer as well, wrapping his arms around her waist as he kissed her, unable to stand one more minute without doing so. Rachel closed her eyes, wishing to god he didn't have this effect on her. Whenever he was around now, she somehow lost all train of thought, feeling like a giddy teenager with a crush, unable to control herself.

Maybe it was because the two of them being together seemed so…wrong. That was the word. Wrong. What, with Rachel's history with Ross, and whatever was going on with Chandler and Monica, the two of them just didn't seem possible.

But whenever he got anywhere near her…God, there was something there. And when they kissed, the only thing that didn't seem possible was not being together. Not kissing. Not touching.

Pulling back after a moment that could have been seconds or weeks long for all either one of them knew, Rachel licked her lips, trying to slow her breathing to normal. "I need to, I'm gonna just tell them I'm leaving for lunch," she stumbled over the sentence before walking away, glancing back with a small smile.

Chandler only nodded slightly in return, unable to say or do anything else. God, she had some kind of effect on him. Finally pulling himself together, he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Well, **that** didn't exactly go as planned….

~.~

_And, with that, I leave you to go do Day Two of wedding dress shopping :) This chapter is short on purpose—the next one will be longer._

_Reviews, please and thank you!!_


	7. Ch 6: Bastard

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 6: Bastard **

~.~

_I ran my half marathon! I won't tell you my time, because it's rather unimpressive, but I ran 13.1 freaking miles, which is freaking impressive on its own in my book, and I'm rather proud of myself. Like, the most proud of myself I've ever been. Major thing crossed off my bucket list, right there. It was so much fun, too! I will definitely be running more half-marathons…and, one day, maybe a full one. :) Ahh, I love running! Almost as much as I love writing. Well, maybe they're tied for first. Enough rambling? Sure. Let's get on with it…._

~.~

Chandler lay in bed, mind racing through the events of that afternoon. After not breaking things off with Rachel, they had gone to lunch. Though it had actually been a longer lunch break than he should have taken and normally would have taken, it seemed to fly by in a rush of flirting and laughing, and at the end of it, he'd kissed her. No, no. Actually, she'd kissed him. Before, he'd kissed her. But this time, she'd kissed him. And said, in an almost hushed voice, "See you tonight." The rest of the afternoon, he was entirely unproductive at work, trying to decide if that meant she wanted him to come over, or if she simply meant she would see him when they both got off work.

He had seen her already that evening. Not alone, though. The evening had revolved around Joey and Phoebe arguing over something to do with PBS that Chandler hadn't cared enough about to really pay attention to.

God, he wished he'd had time to see her alone. He didn't know what to do or what she was expecting. Hell, he didn't really know what he wanted. Well, no, he wanted more of her. At the moment, he felt like he _needed_ more of her. He wanted to kiss her and touch her and…

What the hell was happening with them, though? Was it just a physical thing that would fade away eventually? Only exciting because it was new? That had to be it. Because him and Rachel? Ha, that was a funny joke.

Monica never left them alone that night. Actually, she never left him alone. She still wanted to finish the conversation from the coffee shop the day before. Now, though, he really didn't want to know what she was going to say. He didn't want to concretely know if she wanted to be with him. Because if he did concretely know that, he would have to make a decision. He would have to hurt someone. Thankfully, Rachel never left the two of them alone, either, so Monica didn't get the chance for a private conversation with him.

He didn't want to know. How long could he avoid her, though?

Oh, he was a bastard. Was he only keeping Rachel around in case Monica didn't want him, and only keeping Monica around for when whatever happened with him and Rachel went away? Definition of bastard.

At the quiet creak of the front door opening, all of those thoughts flew out the window as he smiled widely, throwing the covers back as he got out of bed. Carefully opening up his bedroom door in an attempt to remain quiet, he smiled at Rachel, who was standing by the kitchen counter, apparently thinking her actions through. As he walked over to her, she smiled in return.

"I wasn't sure if you meant-"

"I wasn't sure if you wanted-"

They both began at the same time in a hushed voice, stopping and laughing quietly, staring at each other as silence ensued.

"I still can't sleep," Rachel finally whispered, shrugging at a loss of what else to say.

"I know how that feels," Chandler nodded in return, stepping towards her as he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her in for a kiss.

He knew they needed to talk about this. She knew they needed to talk about this. But whenever they were together…

Well, whenever they were together, talking was the last thing on either of their minds.

~.~

Chandler walked into Central Perk, hesitating when he saw that Monica was sitting on the couch alone. When she looked up and smiled at him, though, he returned the smile, heading slowly towards the couch and sitting down as well. Monica set down her coffee cup on the table, looking at him as if she was trying to figure him out.

"Are you mad at me?" she finally asked.

"What? Why would you think that?" Chandler asked, trying to sound convincing, though he had been avoiding her the past week even more so than before.

"I don't know, you've hardly spoken to me since we got back from London other than that one afternoon, and I'm pretty sure you're still avoiding me, even though we said we weren't going to let it be weird, so…I'm sorry if I hurt you. Or made you mad at me."

Chandler shook his head, swallowing the wave of guilt he suddenly had at her thinking he was mad at her, when at that moment, if she knew the truth, it would surely be the other way around. He'd spent every night for the past week with Rachel, while knowing there was a definite possibility that she wanted to be with him. "I'm not mad at you."

"Then why are you avoiding me?" Monica looked him in the eye accusingly, but Chandler looked down, feeling guilty and knowing very well she could read him.

"I don't-I don't know," he lied, still not looking up.

"I don't want you to avoid me," Monica continued, and Chandler looked up, now making eye contact. From the look she was giving him, he had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going. God, that wasn't where he wanted this conversation to be going. He wanted to be anywhere but here having this conversation. "If the two choices we have are this, or-" Monica stopped suddenly, and when Chandler turned around, he realized it was because Ross had just walked through the door. And, god, he'd never been so thankful in his life to see Ross.

"He-hey Ross, what's up?" Chandler immediately sputtered, and Monica looked at him curiously for a second before looking up at Ross as well.

"Well, Emily's coming tomorrow, and since I just moved the last of my stuff into the new place yesterday, I was wondering if you guys could all come over and help unpack? I just really, really want everything to be perfect when she gets here," Ross finished, sitting down in the green chair. "Phoebe and Joey are already in. Do you guys have plans tonight?" he asked, looking back and forth between the two.

Monica shrugged. "I'm free. I can't believe you didn't ask me first, since you know how much I love unpacking, but, yea, I'm free."

Chandler swallowed hard. They were both now looking at him. Damnit, he was trapped. He was going to have to leave Rachel alone for the night while the rest of them were helping Ross unpack. There was no way out of it. A whole night around Monica. A whole night's worth of chances for her to talk to him. "I'm in," he finally shrugged, not having a good excuse not to go.

"Great, thank you guys so much," Ross breathed out a sigh of relief, looking up as Rachel walked through the door. "I'm gonna go get started, but I'll see you guys in a little bit," he added as he stood up, giving Rachel an awkward smile as they walked past each other before he walked out the door.

"I apparently know how to clear a room," Rachel attempted to joke, sitting on the other side of Chandler on the couch. "So, what-ah-what're you guys doing tonight?" she nodded towards the door that Ross had just walked out of.

"Helping Ross unpack," Monica said slowly, smiling at her sympathetically. "Are you okay with all of this?"

Rachel shrugged. "It sucks being the only one left out of half of the stuff you guys do lately, but it's not like I really have a choice in the whole thing…."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, this whole situation sucks for all of us, too," Monica smiled at her before standing up. "I'm actually going to go help him get started, though…God only knows what kind of system of organization he would come up with if he starts before I get there," she paused, turning back to Rachel. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Rachel nodded reassuringly. "Go, unpack, organize. Have the kind of fun that normal people have when…not doing those things…."

Monica only half-shrugged at that remark, not about to argue since she was right. "Bye, guys."

"Bye."

"See ya," Chandler added as she left, before turning back to Rachel, who sighed.

Chandler offered a slight smile, reaching discreetly for her hand on the couch between them. She looked up and smiled at that small gesture. God, she was a horrible friend. Monica had actually brought the subject of Chandler up to her earlier that day, asking what Rachel thought she should do and if she thought he was avoiding her on purpose and why she thought that was. Rachel had done her best to skirt around any actual kind of opinion or advice, though, feeling monumentally guilty giving advice to her about the man she was currently sleeping with behind her back.

As Chandler began tracing circles on her hand with his thumb, Rachel's smile grew wider, and when he looked around before leaning in to kiss her quickly, she found it really hard to care about any of the above.

~.~

Rachel literally jumped out of her seat, nearly knocking her Chinese take-out container to the ground at the sound of the front door opening. Everyone else was supposed to be at Ross's for the night, so the thought of someone else walking through the door scared her, and she suddenly realized she should have locked it.

"Jesus, you scared me," Rachel sighed when she saw the person walking through the door had been Chandler, clad in sweatpants and a tshirt.

"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly. "You can just call me Chandler, though."

"What?" Rachel asked, not getting the joke. "Oh," she shook her head. "Seriously, Chandler, what are you doing here? I thought you were over at Ross's with everyone else."

"Monica sent me home sick," he laughed. "I mentioned not feeling very well, and apparently, acting mopey looks a lot like being sick, so," he shrugged, sitting down beside her on the couch. "I'm probably going to hell for how much lying I'm doing lately, but I figured you wouldn't mind the company?"

"I could probably stand your company," Rachel smiled as she cuddled up beside him, leaning against his chest. "I'll have you know that you're interrupting my night of Chinese take-out and a Lifetime Movie marathon, though," she turned to him playfully.

"I'll just have to make it up to you, then," Chandler shrugged, shifting his weight so he was leaning against the armrest, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her even closer so that she was she was leaning completely against him.

"You'll have to wait til this movie's over, though," Rachel reached for the remote, turning the volume up. "There's only like half an hour left, and I have to find out if the boyfriend really was the murderer _and_ the father of her child."

"Sounds like a **great** movie," Chandler said sarcastically against the back of her head, slowly tracing small circles on Rachel's leg with his fingertips, beginning at her knee and slowly working his way up her inner thigh, inching further and further up.

Rachel attempted to keep her breathing steady and her attention focused on the tv, sure he was just waiting for some sort of reaction. Two could play at this game, though. Rubbing her hand slowly up his inner thigh, she felt his sharp intake of air as she made her way from his leg to his groin, continuing to rub as Chandler followed suit, doing the same to her.

"I didn't lock the door," he whispered against the back of head.

"Then it's a good thing we're just watching the end of the movie and not doing anything, huh?" Rachel replied.

"Well, I'm wearing sweatpants, so the nothing we're doing is kind of obvious," Chandler added, and Rachel laughed under her breath at that before they were both silent again, playing their game of chicken.

Beginning to tire of only the slight squirms he was getting from rubbing through her pants, he slowly slid his hand up and then down the flannel pajama pants she was wearing. At the sudden action, Rachel audibly inhaled, but continued to hold herself together, determined not to be the first to break. Again mirroring his actions, she slid her hand down the front of his sweatpants, but the second her hand was around him, she had won, Chandler giving in as he quickly maneuvered so that he was on top of her, kissing her hard, unable to take another minute of not doing so. Rachel kissed back as he pushed her pants down further, the fact that the door was unlocked and anyone could walk in at any moment adding to the urgency of what they were doing.

When he pushed into her quickly, she gasped, wrapping her legs around his back, moving with him. They were usually forced to be slow and silent, careful not to wake either Joey or Monica, depending on whose apartment they were at for the night. Right now, though, they were alone, and though anyone could walk in at any moment, that did nothing but fuel them further. As Chandler ground into her, she moaned loudly, only making him move faster and harder.

Hearing a key in the lock, they both froze for only a moment before pulling apart.

"Liar," Rachel hissed, referring to his saying he hadn't locked the door.

"It was more fun that way," he grinned in return as they both adjusted their clothing, Rachel throwing Chandler a blanket which he covered up his lap with, attempting to slow his breathing down. Rachel made a run for the bathroom as the front door opened, Monica walking in.

"Why was the door locked?" she asked Chandler, who only shrugged in return, not yet brave enough to speak, his heart still pounding in his chest. "Feel any better?" she asked, walking towards him. "You look kind of flushed," she put her cool hand against his forehead, and he held back his smirk at that comment, instead feeling guilty for what she had almost walked in on.

"I'm fine," he shrugged, wishing to god she would stop touching him.

"Are you sure?" she asked, running her hand down the side of his face, feeling how hot he was.

"I took some ibuprofen. I'll be fine," he smiled at her reassuringly, and she finally dropped her hand.

"Well, I just came to grab a couple of baskets that would be really cute in their bathroom," she walked quickly to her bedroom, coming out a few minutes later with the referred to baskets. "Feel better, Chandler," she smiled at him as she again crossed the living room, walking out the door.

A few seconds after the door shut, Rachel walked slowly out of the bathroom.

"Well, that made it official. I'm going to hell," Chandler nodded as she sat down on the couch, again cuddling up beside him.

"I'll be right there with you," Rachel laughed, laying her head against his chest as he kissed her forehead. "We really shouldn't be doing this, should we?" she finally whispered, evoking a heavy sigh from Chandler.

"I know, it would kill Monica if she found out. And Ross probably wouldn't be the happiest about it, either…"

They were both silent for a moment, Rachel picking at a loose thread from the blanket in front of her, guilt eating at her conscience.

"We _really_ shouldn't be doing this, should we?" she repeated, more seriously this time. Chandler shook his head slowly in response. "She wants to be with you."

Chandler shrugged at that, taking it as a thought, not a fact. "Who knows."

"That's wasn't a question," Rachel shook her head, moving slightly away from him. "She wants to be with you," she again stated, slowly this time.

"Did she-did she tell you that?" Chandler asked cautiously, not sure if he wanted to know the answer to that. Rachel nodded. "Oh," he paused, taking a slow, deep breath. "What did-what did you say to that?"

"I did my best not to say anything," Rachel replied honestly, and they were again both silent for a moment, guilt setting in. "We can't keep doing this," Rachel finally repeated quietly.

Chandler closed his eyes. "I know," he replied, trying to keep the anguish from his voice. Why didn't the thought of Monica wanting to be with him, too, make him happy? Why did the thought of whatever was happening with Rachel coming to an end crush him? Those weren't supposed to be his feelings towards either of those two events.

Rachel closed her eyes. She needed to tell him to leave. She had been able to avoid thinking about him and Monica since they hadn't really been in the same room as each other without avoiding each other in quite some time, and every time she was around Chandler, all she could think about was being with him, not anything else. But she knew how Monica felt about him. And she knew how Chandler felt about Monica, or at least how he had felt about her a couple of weeks earlier. And all of those feelings towards each other seemed to be deep-seated, and they had more of a history together…. They made sense. What she and Chandler had was only physical. It was physical and selfish, because they both knew someone outside of the two of them stood to get hurt by their actions.

If the door hadn't been locked, it would have crushed Monica. Actually, it probably would have pissed her off. And then, maybe, after she was done being pissed off, it would have crushed her. And then what? Rachel wasn't going to date Chandler, was she? That wasn't what she wanted, was it?

It might not have mattered even if it was. She tended to want guys who were, in some way or another, unavailable. Maybe there was something wrong with the way her brain was hardwired; she only wanted what she couldn't have.

"I think you should go," Rachel finally choked out, staring straight ahead at the tv.

"Yea," Chandler finally sighed. "I should." He paused for a moment, looking down, hesitating before standing up. Standing up and leaving seemed like the right thing to do. Staying and kissing Rachel, that seemed like the wrong thing to do. The latter would result in ultimately hurting Monica, and who knows who else. Either one or both of them, probably. Leaving would be safe. Leaving would be the right thing to do.

Closing his eyes momentarily, he wished the right thing was the easy thing. Taking a deep breath in, he finally stood up. "I'll see you later, Rach," he whispered, holding eye contact for a moment longer before walking away, not looking back once as he walked out the front door.

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut once he was gone before turning her attention back to the movie on the tv screen, needing the excuse of the ending of the movie to be her cover for the tears she knew were coming at any moment.

~.~

_Review, please and thank ya :)_


	8. Ch 7: Watching Airplanes

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 7: Watching Airplanes**

~.~

_This week, so far, has been One Of Those Weeks. Sheesh. Is it over yet? No? Well, know what makes bad weeks better? Reviews :) Thanks for them, and keep it up, please!_

~.~

Rachel walked slowly up the stairs, shopping bag in hand, after a long and tiring day. Not wanting to risk running into Chandler at all, she had gone to work early and offered to stay late, and over her lunch hour, had hoped some retail therapy would help her mood. Little did she know, Chandler had done the same, going to work early and staying late, and her retail therapy idea had done nothing but decrease the size of her bank account. And the long day at work had done nothing but make her want to cry, difficult customer after difficult customer piled on top of her already bad mood proving to be too much to handle.

Reaching her floor, she sighed heavily, stopping suddenly at the sight of Ross sitting up against the door to apartment 20.

"Hey," she offered tentatively, walking towards him.

"Rachel!" he greeted her, a little too happily, and she laughed, realizing he was drunk.

"What's up, Ross?" she asked, slightly amused as he wasn't normally one to go out and get completely wasted.

"Well, Monica is locked," he pointed to the door, "and your door is working."

"You mean, Monica is working, and our door is locked?" she laughed.

Ross thought that through. "How is that different than what I said?" he asked, and Rachel just shook her head.

"Are the guys gone, too?" she asked, nodding across the hall as she offered her hand to help him up.

Ross sighed heavily. "Didn't think of that," he pouted, but let Rachel help him up.

Rachel then dug through her purse, finally pulling out her keys, suddenly realizing what day it was. "Shouldn't-shouldn't Emily be here by now?" she asked cautiously as they entered the apartment.

Ross sighed, on the verge of tears as he leaned back against the closed door. "She isn't coming," he said softly, looking down.

"What? What happened?" Rachel asked, genuinely concerned. Setting her bag and purse down, she walked back over to him. "Ross, what happened?" she repeated when she got no response.

Ross only shrugged, still looking like he could cry. "She went to the airport," he finally started. "She made it all the way to the gate. Her luggage was on the plane. I was counting down the hours until she got here," he sighed heavily. "I gave up so much for her, Rach. I moved for her. I cut you out of my life for her. If I could take Ben with me without taking him away from Carol, I would have moved _there_ for her. But she," he trailed off, shaking his head. "She couldn't get on the plane," he looked up, red-eyed.

"Oh, Ross, I'm so sorry," Rachel reached out for him, rubbing his arm sympathetically.

"I would have done anything to make us work. But she couldn't even get on the plane. She couldn't risk giving everything up to move across an ocean for a marriage that started with me saying the wrong name. She doesn't trust me. She'll never trust me. So," he took a shaky breath, "she didn't get on the plane. Just sat at the airport, watching it take off. When she finally got home and called me, she'd been sitting at the airport for hours, thinking," he wiped stubbornly at his eyes, and if he hadn't spent the better part of his time since that phone call at a bar, crying would have bothered him even more. "She couldn't get on the plane, Rach," he repeated, and at his devastated demeanor, Rachel could do nothing but pull him in for a hug. And he clung to her, trying hard to stop crying.

Though she was not a fan of Emily (really, though, she had never given Emily a fair chance), she didn't want Ross to be this unhappy and hurt. Which made her hate Emily even more. Couldn't she see everything Ross had been willing to give up to work on their marriage? And she couldn't even get on the freaking plane and give him a chance? Really, she wouldn't have had to give up any of her life to just come see Ross for a couple of weeks and give him a chance. It wouldn't have even had to be permanent. Why-

Why was Ross kissing her?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Rachel pulled back slowly, completely caught off guard. "What are you doing?" Ross shrugged, taking a half-step, half-stumble backwards without answering. "You need sleep," she continued, heading into her bedroom for a pillow and blanket for him. "Everything seems more manageable in the morning," she said as she came back out, almost laughing when she saw him, shoes still on and fully clothed, already asleep on the couch. Laughing under her breath, she covered him up with the blanket, stepping back as she watched him sleep.

She had gone to London to stop him from getting married. Yet, when he kissed her, because he was upset that his marriage was over…she stopped him. She didn't want him to kiss her. Because she wanted….

Sighing, she looked at her front door, as if staring at it long enough would give her the ability to see through both that door and Joey and Chandler's front door. Yes, staring at the door long enough would make her Superman. Superman? Could he even see through doors? Yes, definitely the one thought she should be seriously thinking through at that moment….

Finally making a decision, she headed out her front door and across the hall. Trying their door, she was relieved to find that it was unlocked.

At the sound of the front door opening, Chandler turned around in his chair, offering Rachel a small smile as she stopped just inside the front door after closing it behind her. Chandler stood up, feeling as miserable as she looked, having had a terrible day himself, and doing the thing they had said they weren't going to do anymore would surely turn that around.

"I've-I've had a really bad day," Rachel finally choked out, almost on the verge of tears.

Chandler nodded at that for a moment, scuffing his foot on the ground, hands dug deeply inside his pockets. "Me, too," he whispered, staring at the floor for a moment. He didn't have the strength to tell her to leave. He'd used it all the night before when he walked out her front door and away from her. Damn his lack of self-control. "Joe's gone for the night," he said so quietly she almost couldn't hear him, looking up at her like a child doing something he knew he shouldn't be doing.

"Monica's working late tonight, too," Rachel replied, just as quietly as she moved closer to him. "I'd say, it'll just be one more night, but…we both know that's a lie, isn't it?" Rachel repeated, still in a hushed tone.

Chandler nodded. "Most likely," he replied before kissing her softly. As their soft kisses grew more heated, both of them moved towards the bedroom, Rachel completely forgetting that Ross was across the hall, passed out on her couch.


	9. Ch 8: Bananas

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 8: Bananas**

~.~

"I have to go," Rachel sat up suddenly in bed, causing Chandler to wake from his light sleep.

As he sat up as well, he feared that meant the worst; she had decided it _would_ be just one more night, and that one more night was now over. "What, why?" he asked, sleepily, first glancing at the clock and then watching as she grabbed her clothes from his floor, beginning to pull them on.

"Ross is passed out on my couch. Monica will be home any second. My room is empty," Rachel explained.

"Why is Ross passed out on your couch?"

"Emily's not coming," she explained. "And by passed out, I mean _passed out_. I think he did a whole lot of sorrow-drowning before I found him out in the hallway," she continued, turning in circles, unable to find her shoes. "Did I have shoes on?" she asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Chandler shrugged at that, reaching out as he pulled her back onto the bed. "Stay," he whispered, kissing her. With her there, it was really hard to care about Ross being upset about Emily not coming, or whatever was or wasn't going on with Monica, or…anything else, really. All he could find room to care about was Rachel.

Rachel kissed back. God, that was tempting. She couldn't, though. They couldn't risk that. "I can't," she replied softly, kissing him once more. She almost felt as if she should tell him the part about Ross kissing her earlier…but, why? He wasn't her boyfriend. He didn't need to know that. There was no reason for him to know that.

He wasn't her boyfriend. He couldn't be her boyfriend without a whole lot of feelings being hurt. She couldn't stay any longer. "Chandler, I have to go," she repeated softly, pulling away from his arms. "I'll see you in the morning?"

Chandler nodded. At least that meant they were done avoiding each other. Really, a whole twenty-four hours of that had been enough for him. "See you in the morning," he smiled at her, and she paused, turning back to kiss him one final time. "G'night, Rach."

"Good night, Chandler," she whispered in reply as she turned to leave, stealing one last glance at him before walking out his door.

Hurrying across his living room and out the door, she was relieved to find her front door still unlocked, which presumably meant that Monica wasn't home yet. Breathing a sigh of relief as she quietly entered, she found that was the case. Ross was still passed out on the couch; Monica's bedroom door was still open. Glancing at the clock, she realized she had barely been gone more than an hour.

Walking into her room, Rachel sighed. She shouldn't have gone over to Chandler's. She should have let it end. Because they couldn't really be together, and the more time they spent _being together,_ the harder it was making it and the more feelings were getting involved. She should have let it end the night before, and let whatever was going to happen with Monica and Chandler happen without interfering, and let whatever could now possibly happen with Ross happen.

Oh, but that would have been too easy….

~.~

Chandler sat at the coffee house over his lunch hour, sipping his coffee, and in all honesty, waiting for Rachel. He'd thought about going to her work and seeing if she wanted to go to lunch, but he felt awkward doing so. He wasn't her boyfriend. He couldn't be her boyfriend. He was allowed to go have lunch with a friend, though, wasn't he? He couldn't decide, and eventually decided Central Perk sounded safe, and he could definitely hope that Rachel headed there for her lunch also.

"Hey, man," Chandler greeted Ross as he walked through the door. Ross nodded in reply to that, heading to the counter to order. After getting his coffee, he silently sat down on the couch next to Chandler. "I, uh, I heard about Emily," Chandler started slowly. "Sorry, man." Ross again just nodded at that, slowly sipping his coffee. "Rough night?" Chandler asked, Ross still taking a long drink.

"Something like that," Ross nodded, forcing a laugh. "I, uh, I think I kissed Rachel last night," he shook his head as he set his cup on the table, staring at it.

"You-you what?" Chandler asked, trying not to sound as taken back as he was at that. He couldn't breathe. Why did Ross kiss Rachel? More importantly, why didn't Rachel tell him that the night before?

Ross shook his head. "I don't know. I was really, really drunk. I just, I'm pretty sure I kissed her."

"Th-then what?" Chandler asked, afraid of the answer.

"Well, since I woke up on her couch, I'm guessing I passed out on her couch," Ross laughed. "God, It's like I just do one stupid thing after another lately," he shook his head at himself, and Chandler was slightly relieved that was his reaction. He didn't need Ross pining after Rachel at the moment.

Nodding slowly, Chandler grabbed his own cup of coffee, taking a drink. Why didn't Rachel tell him that Ross kissed her? Probably because Ross was drunk and it didn't mean anything. Taking a deep breath, Chandler looked down at his watch. Time to head back to work. And he hadn't even seen Rachel yet. God, he needed to stop acting like her boyfriend. He was not her boyfriend. He could not be her boyfriend.

As Chandler stood up to leave, Rachel walked through the door. Yea, he might not be her boyfriend, but that didn't change the butterfly feeling in the pit of his stomach every time she walked into a room or the warm fuzziness he felt waking up with her. Returning the grin she gave him as she walked in, Chandler muttered something of a goodbye to Ross before heading towards the door, purposefully brushing past Rachel on his way out.

Sighing as he walked out, Chandler fought himself not to look back through the window at her, instead forcing himself to head back to work.

If he wasn't her boyfriend, why did the thought of Ross kissing her knock the wind out of him? And why did any form of brief physical contact leave his head spinning? Why was she all that was on his mind?

Because he couldn't be her boyfriend. If you tell someone not to think about bananas, what do they immediately think of? Bananas.

Of course he wanted her; he couldn't have her.

~.~

_Sorry these chapters are so short…if I waited to post long chapters, updates would take, like, a month. Thanks for the reviews, and keep it up, please :)_


	10. Ch 9: Beautifully Disastrous

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 9: Beautifully Disasterous**

~.~

_Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter! Keep it up, please! Quick reviews = quick update. See how that works? ;)_

_Also, other than writing this, I'm using my last completely free day of the summer doing un-exciting things like cleaning and filling out forms to consolidate my student loans. Ew, I'm such a grown up…._

~.~

"Hey," Ross greeted Rachel as she sat down beside him at Central Perk.

"Hey," Rachel replied, though her attention was still turned towards the window, watching Chandler's retreating figure and trying to decide if she should follow him.

"Look," Ross picked up his coffee cup, "about last night…."

Rachel shook her head, brushing off his concern. "Don't worry about it. You were drunk and upset."

Ross looked at her in disbelief. Nothing between them had ever been easily brushed off. "Are you-are you sure?'

Rachel looked up at the door, contemplating her escape. Looking back to Ross, she nodded. "We're fine," she smiled. "I just remembered a couple of errands I was supposed to run over my lunch. See you later?" she added before hurrying out the door, leaving Ross alone, confused and in complete disbelief that things really were fine between them.

After getting out the door, Rachel paused, contemplating whether walking or taking a cab would be quicker. Deciding on walking, she headed in the direction of Chandler's office, wanting-no-_needing_ to see him. After a few blocks of weaving in and out of people in her high-heels and breaking a light sweat in the early summer heat, Rachel sighed, wishing she had taken a cab. As she reached Chandler's building, she smiled, letting the cool air wash over her as she walked inside, contemplating buying a pair of flats at the shoe store she had just passed before returning to work for the afternoon.

Her thoughts of shoes were short-lived, however, as she reached Chandler's floor in the elevator, taking a deep breath as she headed towards his office. Seeing that his assistant wasn't at her desk, she breathed a sigh of relief, heading straight towards his office door, which was slightly ajar. Knocking softly, she opened it further, smiling when Chandler looked up from his computer at her in surprise. She almost laughed at the fact that he looked like he was actually working, always picturing Chandler doing nothing but goofing off at work, although she guessed he didn't have his own office with a window for nothing.

"Hey," Chandler offered, surprised to see her.

"Hey," Rachel replied, closing his door tightly behind her.

"What're you doing here?" Chandler asked, though from his tone, he was definitely not mad at her presence.

Rachel shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know," she admitted. "I just…needed to see you, I guess."

Chandler nodded as she came closer. "I can understand that," he stood up, slowly walking closer to her as well. "I have a meeting at one thirty," he added before kissing her softly.

"Skip it?" Rachel asked, playing with his tie.

"Can't," Chandler shook his head, looking at his watch. "I'm kinda running it."

Rachel frowned at that, looking down at the tie she was playing with. "I never really think about you being in charge….kinda sexy," Rachel whispered as she leaned against his chest, kissing his neck.

Chandler inwardly groaned at that. "You're killing me, Rach…."

"I know," Rachel pulled back with a grin.

"I'm pretty free after my meeting. What does the rest of your afternoon look like?"

"Well, my last client is at three, and there are three other girls there with pretty open schedules this afternoon, so I doubt they would miss me if I took off early," Rachel smiled, leaning in to kiss him one more time before pulling away completely.

"I'll see you at home a little after three?" Chandler choked out, walking back over to his desk, knowing that if he didn't physically separate himself from her at that moment, he might have to postpone the meeting after all.

"Yep. See you in a little bit," Rachel grinned as she walked towards the door, making eye contact one final time before leaving.

Chandler smiled, still staring at his office door long after she was gone, completely forgetting about the kiss between her and Ross that he had learned about less than an hour earlier. Whenever she was anywhere near him, he had trouble thinking about anything else. And with the feeling of her lips on his skin still fresh in his mind, he groaned, thinking about the meeting ahead of him, and praying for the will to get through it, knowing the only thing on his mind for the next hour would most definitely be Rachel.

~.~

Rachel disentangled herself from Chandler's embrace, giving him a kiss on the cheek before pulling on her robe, knowing she needed to get back across the hall and into her own room before Monica woke up. A few more nights together had turned into a week, and a week into a month, and it had now been well over a month straight of being with Chandler. Some nights were shorter than others, if they couldn't make it over for some reason or another, but she had gotten to fall asleep with him more nights in a row than she could count.

They hadn't talked about it. Not since they decided not to see each other anymore, but given in to each other the very next night. They didn't talk about it. They both did the best to act normally towards each other around the others, excepting the occasional knowing glance or special grin from across the room, or an occasional hand squeeze or kiss while no one was watching.

But they didn't talk about it. It was far too complicated to talk about. Even with Monica seeming to have given up on Chandler, it still seemed too complicated to actually date one another. Especially since Ross and Emily broke up, and Ross had been seeming to seek out alone time with Rachel ever since. However, she felt like that might be in her head, feeling guilty for being with Chandler. She used to spend some time alone with Ross, right? Rachel honestly didn't remember. It seemed like the phase of just being friends with Ross was forever ago; she didn't quite remember how to act towards him.

That was another thing neither of them talked about: Ross. Or Monica. Rachel didn't mention that Monica had dropped the subject of Chandler with her, and Chandler didn't mention that Monica had seemed to give up talking to him as well.

What neither one of them knew about Monica, though, was that after weeks of trying to talk to Chandler and getting nowhere, Monica finally sought Phoebe's advice on the subject since Rachel had been no help. Only, she didn't tell her it was Chandler. What she did tell her was that it was a guy from work she was going after. Close friend, coworker, same difference, both situations seemed complicated. Phoebe's advice was to play hard to get. Had she known it was Chandler, she might not have offered this same advice, but, not wanting to scare him off, Monica took the advice.

When Monica did back off, and stopped trying so hard to talk to him, Chandler was nothing but relieved, thinking that Monica had finally decided she didn't want to be with him, which helped ease his conscience slightly about being with Rachel. Because of this, Chandler stopped avoiding Monica. Which led Monica to believe her hard-to-get plan was working.

Neither Chandler nor Rachel had any idea. It seemed to be working out beautifully disastrously for all involved.

Glancing back at a still sleeping Chandler, Rachel sighed, swallowing everything unsaid between them as she headed out the door and back to her own apartment, where she very much doubted she would get the last two hours of sleep she had time for.

~.~

Chandler slid slowly out of bed, careful not to wake Rachel. If he did, they would be forced to speak, and that would be breaking the silent rules they had been following. It was just sex. Just. Sex. Nothing else. Nothing more, nothing less. Just physical. Well, they actually hadn't spoken about it, but the fact that it was going unspoken led him to believe that those were her thoughts as well as of that moment.

What else could this be, anyway? It was all far too complicated for them to be anything other than nothing at all.

He pulled his tshirt over his head, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing his jeans as well. He sighed, not looking forward to his short trek across the living room to the front door. There were only about twenty steps from the spot he stood in to his own front door, but those twenty steps could mean disaster if Monica were to wake.

And so he counted his paces as he crossed the room, not even shutting Rachel's door tightly behind him, but leaving it open a crack. No one could wake up. If anyone woke up, that was the end of the magical-ness that surrounded…whatever the hell it was that was going on. If anyone else woke up, that could be the end of not only the two of them, but the six of them as they knew it. And so he held his breath as he turned the front door knob, opening and closing the door as quickly yet quietly as possible.

When he got to the hallway, he sighed in relief. Another night of success. However, tomorrow…

Tomorrow could always bring disaster.

But, maybe, if he held out until tomorrow, he could fully convince himself that everything between them was only physical. Opening his own door, he sighed heavily. Yes, maybe tomorrow he could fully convince himself of that, because at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to go back across the hall and crawl into bed with Rachel for the rest of the night, consequences be damned.


	11. Ch 10: When the Bananas Hit the Fan

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 10: When the Bananas Hit the Fan**

~.~

_Thanks again for the reviews! I will continue to update as quickly as time/my muse allows. _

_Also, has anyone else seen previews for _Mr. Sunshine_ (Matthew Perry's new show) for this fall? Not to sound too much like my former teenage-fangirl self, but…I'm excited! :) Looks pretty funny. It's on the ABC website. Go check it out._

~.~

Chandler was startled awake by the sound of Rachel's alarm clock, immediately aware that the worst had just happened. "Rach," he whispered, as she rolled over groggily, hitting the snooze button. At the sound of his voice, though, she immediately sprang up in bed, turning to face him.

"You're still here?" she asked, slightly confused as to why the sun was up and he was still there, and becoming more than slightly panicked at the realization of what that meant.

Chandler nodded fiercely at that since she had just stated the obvious. "I guess I fell asleep and we didn't set an alarm or anything," he looked at her, sounding as worried as she looked.

"It'll be okay," Rachel stepped out of bed. "Maybe Monica's not up yet," she shrugged, trying to act calm as she heading for the door.

"Rach, it's eight o'clock. You're usually the last one up in the morning," Chandler jumped out of bed as well, obviously anything but calm. "What am I gonna do?"

Rachel closed her eyes, rubbing her temples as she began to pace. "Okay. Monica doesn't work until eleven today. She probably hasn't showered yet. When she goes to shower, you can come out."

"What if someone else is here?"

Rachel shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. Wait until they leave?"

"And just not go to work?"

"Is calling into work the worst thing in the world for you, Chandler?"

Chandler shrugged at that. "What am I supposed to tell them, though? That I'm not sure _exactly_ what time I'll be in today because I'm trapped in my secret girlfriend's bedroom and no one can know about us?"

Rachel stopped her pacing at that, freezing in place at that word. Girlfriend. Not that she hadn't tried to mentally decide what they were before, but they hadn't ever spoken about it. At all. "Did you just-"

"Yea, but we don't have to use that word," Chandler interrupted her defensively. "I mean, if you don't want to."

Rachel turned to face him, smile on her face despite the current situation. "I don't-I don't know what other word we could use," she shrugged, taking another step closer to him. "I mean, we could just _not_ use that word, but…it's kinda been all summer, hasn't it?'

Chandler nodded at that, realizing that it was now the end of summer, and what had started out as one drunken night had turned into nearly three months. And though there were still nagging feelings in the back of both of their minds about Monica and Ross, the feeling of being together seemed to overshadow that, and since neither of the Geller siblings were being straightforward about their feelings, it was easy to ignore any feelings that might be left.

"So," Chandler said softly, wrapping his arms around Rachel's waist, "you're my girlfriend?"

Rachel nodded. "It would appear that way," she smiled, leaning in to kiss him.

"Well, your first task as my girlfriend is to find a way to get me out of here," Chandler grinned, kissing her once more on the lips before letting go.

Rachel laughed slightly at that. "Okay," she took a deep breath. "Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna go out there," she pointed to the door, "and see who all is here. I'll get you the phone so you can call work."

"Why don't you have a phone in here?" Chandler asked, looking around, having never noticed that before.

"Because I don't want even the chance of being woken up before I have to be," she explained. "Anyway," she continued on with her plan, "if it's just Monica, I will come get you the second she goes to shower or get ready. Sound good?" Chandler nodded. "Okay, wish me luck."

"Good luck," Chandler said, almost sarcastically, as he sat back down on her bed. Rachel walked out her door, closing it quickly behind her. The door swung open again, though, only seconds later. Chandler jumped off the bed, not expecting her to come back so soon and afraid it was someone else.

"No one's out there," Rachel laughed. "Monica's showering, and no one else is here! All that worrying for nothing," she grinned. "Okay, get out of here," she motioned for him to leave when he didn't make a move at that. Chandler stood up, kissing her quickly before rushing across the living room to the front door. After he opened it, though, he turned back around, slamming it shut. "What are you doing?" Rachel asked in amusement as he grabbed two coffee cups and two bowls.

"Eating breakfast," he said as if stating the obvious, setting the bowls down and grabbing a box of cereal, setting those down before going after coffee. Rachel smiled, sitting down as he handed her one of the cups.

"Thanks," Rachel grinned at him as he sat down beside her, pouring a bowl of cereal as Joey walked in the door.

"There you are," Joey sighed, seeing Chandler. "Dude, when did you come over here?"

Chandler shrugged. "Must have been while you were in the bathroom?" he asked more than stated, but Joey didn't notice.

Joey nodded at that. "Probably," he laughed. "Had something last night that did _not_ agree with me, if you know what I mean."

"Joe, we're eating," Rachel made a face as Joey sat down.

"You guys are crazy for eating cereal. I'm gonna wait and see if Mon will make some food after she showers," he said, the shower water turning off as if on cue. "Do I have good timing or what?" he asked, referring to coming over as Monica was getting out of the shower, but both Rachel and Chandler nodded in agreement at that, glad he hadn't come over two minutes sooner.

As Joey stood up from the table to go bug Monica about breakfast seconds after she emerged from the bathroom, Chandler reached under the table, lightly squeezing Rachel's hand.

"I might just go into work late and stay late tonight," he whispered, keeping an eye on Joey, who had attempted to follow Monica into her room. "Want to grab dinner after?" Rachel smiled at that, nodding. "Wanna just stop by my office when you get off, and we'll go from there?" Rachel again nodded. "I'm gonna go shower," Chandler added, though louder than he had been speaking, since Joey had just gotten kicked out of Monica's room.

"Later, man," Joey replied as he sat down, Chandler leaving the apartment.

Even after Chandler left, though, Rachel's attention was still turned towards him, trying to figure out when in the past three months sleeping together had turned into more. It had to have been sometime in the course of their Thursday nights together. Thursday night was their unofficial, unspoken date night. Both Monica and Phoebe worked on Thursday nights, Ross had Ben, and Joey was usually on a preemptive weekend date. That left the two of them alone for the night, and they would usually order in food and curl up on the couch with a couple of movies. That routine had been going on for a couple of months now. And the night usually ended with them doing a lot more than movie-watching on the couch.

Maybe the question she should be asking was less along the lines of how did they turn into a couple, and more along the lines of how had they yet to get caught?

~.~

Chandler sat at the coffeehouse, tapping his foot to the song he'd had stuck in his head all day, sipping his espresso and attempting to feign some sort of interest in the car magazine he'd found sitting on the table in front of him. He was ridiculously happy lately. He wondered if anyone noticed. He wondered if it was even slightly noticeable how happy he'd been the past few months, or at the least, the past couple of weeks since he and Rachel had decided to put a label on "what they were."

At the very least, it was extremely noticeable to him. And that's all that really mattered. So, he went on with his toe-tapping and singing in his head, unaware that Monica had been standing just outside the door for a good few minutes.

As Monica stood outside, she watched Chandler carefully, going over her exact plan in her head. She'd attempted to talk to him for a month. She's played hard to get for well over a month. And then she all but threw herself at him for the past month, attempting to sit by him or touch him or talk to him every chance she could get. Little did she know, he had been more than slightly preoccupied, and all of those actions had gone right over his head, simply thinking she was just being friends with him again.

This was it, then. If he was really so dense that he just didn't catch on to her advances, she was going to change that. She'd had the worst few days at work, topped off by a horrible double date she had been dragged into by a co-worker, and this…this was what she needed. She was not someone who was going to sit and pine over some guy. She was not the kind of person who sat almost passively and waited patiently for what she wanted. No, she was someone who took action. And she was going to take some action right now, despite any advice given by Phoebe in the past few months.

So, she walked into the coffee house with purpose, sat down beside Chandler, and when he turned to her with a smile, she leaned in and kissed him.

In the few seconds of confusion between the start of the kiss and Chandler pulling away, neither of them noticed that Rachel, who had plans to meet up with Chandler, had just walked in, then immediately walked out, all but running away.


	12. Ch 11: Standard Lines

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 11: Standard Lines**

~.~

_I start training for my internship next week, so not too sure if I'll have time to update next week at all. Just a little warning that this is probably my last quick update. I'll keep it up as fast as I can, though! Just keep reviewing—kinda makes my day :)_

~.~

After Chandler pulled away from Monica, he looked at her in disbelief, though she was now staring at her hands in her lap, disappointed that Chandler obviously didn't share her feelings. "Mon, what are you doing?" Chandler finally asked after a moment of awkward silence, more shocked than mad.

Monica shrugged, suddenly feeling like a child getting caught stealing cookies before dinner. "What does it look like I'm doing?" she whispered, not sure what else to say.

Chandler just stared at her for a moment longer, though she still wasn't looking back. Once she had stopped trying to talk to him every chance she could get, he honestly thought that things had gone back to normal between them. He ran through the last few months in his mind, trying to decide if that was his way of rationalizing that it was okay to be with Rachel, or if it's really how it was.

He honestly felt like that's how it was.

"Mon," he sighed, leaning heavily into the couch. "When we got back from London, you said…you said…" he again sighed. God, he was an asshole. Maybe he was just rationalizing.

"I know what I said," Monica finally looked up at him, trying to hold back tears.

"You crushed me," Chandler continued. "I thought we had something, and when you said you didn't want to be with me…you crushed me…."

Monica shrugged. "I thought it was best that way, but-"

"No but's," Chandler shook his head, stopping her. "I got over you."

Monica tried hard to swallow the lump in her throat, but it wouldn't budge. She had spent months thinking that Chandler had been right, that there had always been something special there, could have always been something there. That London wasn't just a fluke.

She never dreamed he had spent those same three months getting over her.

"You-you what?"

Chandler shrugged, knowing it was killing her to hear it, because it had killed him when she hadn't wanted to be with him. "I got over you," he repeated softly.

Monica closed her eyes. "Do you-do you ever think you could be…under me…again?"

Chandler sighed, this time squeezing his eyes shut. The word 'no' wouldn't come out of his mouth. Why wouldn't it come out of his mouth? "I don't know," he finally choked out, a little more honestly than he had hoped for. Monica's eyes lit up a bit at that. "I can't be with you right now," he added. "I just, I can't be with you, Mon," he repeated, hating being the one to cause the hurt he saw in her eyes. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, I can't imagine losing you as a friend, it's just…You were right. Maybe we're better as friends."

Monica sat in disbelief. It had never stung so badly to find out she was right. When she didn't speak for a couple of minutes, Chandler sighed.

"I'll see you later, okay?" he whispered, patting her on the leg. When she didn't respond, he slowly stood up, needing to get out of there, away from her and his guilt. As he walked out the door, he glanced down at his watch, suddenly realizing how late Rachel was. He could have sworn they said they were meeting at Central Perk. Maybe she thought they were meeting at his place like the day before. Rushing up the stairs, needing to see Rachel after that, he sighed in relief when he found her in his apartment.

His relief didn't last long, though, at the look on her face.

"I'm late," she whispered.

Chandler again looked at his watch. "I'm a lot later than you are," he shrugged, not understanding why that was a big deal.

"No, Chandler. I'm. _Late_," she repeated, and it took him a minute to fully comprehend.

"Oh," he said once. "Oh," he repeated. "What do, have you," he fumbled for the right thing to ask, but Rachel cut him off.

"Don't pretend to care. Why don't you just go kiss Monica some more?" she stormed across the kitchen for the door, Chandler following her.

"Rach, wait," Chandler held the door shut.

"Let me go, Chandler," Rachel looked at him sternly.

"No, let me talk," Chandler held firmly against the door. "Monica kissed me. She kissed me. Not the other way around. I stopped it."

"And were you going to tell me about it?"

Chandler shrugged. "Yes, no, maybe…I don't know, Rach," he sighed, dropping his arm. "But so what if I didn't? It would kind of be along the same lines as say, huh, maybe, Ross kissing you, and you not telling me about it?"

"What? Chandler that was months ago!"

"Exactly, and you never told me!"

"You know what, I can't deal with this right now," Rachel sighed. "I'm going back to work."

"Rach, wait," Chandler said, softer than he'd been speaking before. "When-when can you deal with this?"

Rachel paused, still facing the door, hand on the doorknob. "I can deal with it tonight," she whispered. "Joey's seeing that girl from last night again. He should be gone all night."

Chandler nodded. "Kay. I'll see you later?" he whispered, swallowing the lump now forming in his throat.

"Yea," Rachel whispered. "I'll see you later," she replied, walking out the door.

~.~

Chandler stood in the middle of one of the aisles at the corner convenience store at two in the morning, trying to decide which pregnancy test to buy. Rachel was at home, sleeping in his bed, and would be expecting him back any second. Finally grabbing the closest one to him, he headed up to the cashier, throwing it down on the counter.

"Is that it for ya?" the kid behind the counter asked.

Chandler sighed. "A pack of those, too," he motioned to his brand of cigarettes.

"In case it doesn't go your way?" the cashier laughed ironically, motioning to the test.

Chandler laughed out loud at that. "For either way," he responded, handing him the money.

"Good luck with that," the kid replied sincerely.

"Thanks," Chandler mumbled, stuffing the sack in his jacket pocket as he headed back to their apartment.

Rachel was no longer sleeping in his bed, but sitting, waiting for him. Chandler pulled the bag out of his pocket, handing her the package, but keeping his pack of cigarettes.

"I'm gonna," Rachel motioned to the bathroom, and Chandler only nodded, sitting down on his bed.

The day had flown by in such a chaotic rush that the possibility of what might be happening hadn't really set in. Trying to focus on his breathing, and nothing but that, not wanting panic to set in, Chandler closed his eyes, trying not to entertain any uncertain possibilities.

"Chandler."

Chandler's eyes popped open at the sound of Rachel calling his name, and he stood up with a sigh, going into the bathroom with her. "So," he sighed again, going in after her, and she closed the door, just in case someone else were to come in.

"We wait," Rachel whispered, and Chandler nodded, both of them staring at the stick by the sink that was about to determine their fates.

After five minutes that felt more like five hours, Chandler finally spoke. "I see a line."

Rachel nodded, picking up the box and scanning the directions on the back. She looked back up at him, tears in her eyes. "One line is negative," she whispered, and Chandler breathed out a sigh of relief, wrapping an arm around her waist as he kissed the top of her head. His relief was short lived, though, at the next sentence out of Rachel's mouth.

"I don't think we can see each other anymore," Rachel continued on in a whisper.

Chandler's heart sank at that. "What?"

Rachel pulled away, refusing to make eye contact. "I don't think we can see each other anymore," she repeated firmly.

"Why?" Chandler barely choked out, now on the verge of crying at the sudden thought of losing her.

Rachel shook her head. "We can still be friends," she continued on. "It'll be best for us both in the end…"

"'It's not you it's me,' 'let's be friends,' 'it'll be best for us both in the end,'" Chandler spat out bitterly. "Yea, take your pick of the standard lines, Rach."

"It's not a line, Chandler, and you know it," Rachel looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "We _need_ to just be friends. It _will_ be best for us both in the end."

"How is that what's best?" Chandler shook his head, refusing to agree with her. "Is this because of what happened with Monica?"

"No," Rachel shook her head, moving even further away from him, as far away as she could possibly get in the small space of the bathroom. "I mean, kind of. She obviously still has feelings for you. She's my best friend, and I can't be the one to hurt her like that."

"Well, you wouldn't be. I would be. I can be that person!"

"But it would be me, too, Chandler!" Rachel shook her head in frustration. "If there wasn't something wrong with us being together, we would have told everyone by now. If we didn't think it would hurt Monica, or Ross, we would have told them by now!"

"Then let's tell them," Chandler shrugged.

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head from side to side. "I don't think there's anything to tell them, Chandler," she whispered.

Chandler bit his bottom lip. Hard. To the point where he could taste blood. "What if it had been positive," he breathed out slowly, and Rachel looked down at that, that possibility obviously having crossed her mind.

"But it's not," she finally choked out.

"I don't think I'm ready to let go of you, though," Chandler took a step closer to her.

Rachel looked up, now fully crying. "I don't think I was ever yours to keep," she whispered, and Chandler stopped trying to hold back his own tears at that, reaching out for her hand.

"But I lo-"

"Don't say it," Rachel cut him off quickly. "I know you do, and you know I do, but let's not say it and make it any harder, okay?" she pleaded, and after a moment, Chandler finally nodded. "I'm gonna go home now," she whispered, though Chandler was staring at the ground, not at her. "I'll-I'll see you," she added, giving his hand a slight squeeze before pulling her fingers away from his. Chandler only nodded in acknowledgment of that, still staring at the tile floor as Rachel walked out his bathroom door, closing it slightly behind her as she left.

At the sound of the front door closing, Chandler stood up, wiping his eyes as he swatted at the pregnancy test, knocking it across the room before storming out, slamming the door shut behind him. He grabbed his keys off the counter, checking to make sure his cigarettes were still in his pocket before heading downstairs, needing some air.

The second he was outside, he lit his cigarette, inhaling deeply, though he continued to make his way down the street and around the side of the building. When he stopped, he kicked the brick building in frustration, finally collapsing down beside it, back against the wall as he tried to hold back the tears he still felt welling up in the back of his eyes.

He didn't care about anyone else in that moment but Rachel. He didn't care if he hurt Monica or Ross or anyone else, as long as it meant not losing Rachel in that moment. He didn't care if that was selfish. It was his life; he had every right to be selfish.

Chandler took another long drag on his cigarette as he stood back up, not letting it out until his lungs burned, coughing slightly as he finally exhaled. Kicking the building with the heel of his shoe, he sighed heavily. In that moment, he found himself wishing the test had been positive, wishing she had been pregnant because, if nothing else, it would have meant getting to keep Rachel.

It wasn't fair. She wasn't someone he even wanted in the first place. She had been an event in his life that just happened. It wasn't fair that he had to lose her. He had to lose her and hurt Monica all in the same day.

Maybe he did care if he hurt Monica. If he hurt Monica, though, he at least wanted to still have Rachel.

Dropping his cigarette butt to the ground, he stomped it out, simultaneously pulling another one out of his pocket. He struggled to remember ever feeling this heartbroken before. Though breaking up with Kathy hurt, he didn't remember being this attached to her. And for all of the times he'd been heartbroken over Janice, he couldn't remember it feeling like this.

Maybe that was just the way heartbreak works, though. When you feel it, you swear you've never felt anything like it before, but then you eventually get over it.

Right now, though, he didn't feel like he would get over it. How was he going to sit there and see Rachel everyday and have to pretend like everything was alright? How could he be anywhere near her and pretend like he didn't know what it was like to kiss her or sleep with her or love her? How could he go backwards and just be her friend? No wonder she and Ross couldn't stand to be in the same room as one another for so long. This was worse, though. Because no one else knew.

Part of him wanted to go up to her room, shake her awake, and tell her she was crazy. They could be together. They could make it work. But another part of him knew she was right. They couldn't be together without massively hurting two people very important to them and probably ripping their entire group apart. Maybe if they had been honest with everyone from the beginning…or maybe not even then.

Chandler dropped his second cigarette butt to his feet. He wasn't going to go up there and talk to her. Pulling a third cigarette out, he lit it, again taking a long drag. No, he wasn't going to go talk to Rachel. He was going to stand there all night, pitying himself and smoking his entire pack of cigarettes, feeling every ounce of hurt he could possibly feel. And when his cigarettes were gone, he was going to drag himself up the stairs to his apartment, probably gasping for air after the entire pack of cigarettes he planned to smoke, and then he was going to crawl into bed alone. Quickly wiping at his eyes to preemptively wipe away the threatening tears, Chandler sighed.

For the first time in months, he was going to crawl into bed alone.


	13. Ch 12: No Good Very Bad Day

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 12: No Good Very Bad Day**

~.~

_Can I just say, I love my internship? And it's totally what I want to be doing. And if I don't get into grad school, I definitely know where my career will be. Doing what you love? Best. Feeling. Ever. Well, tied with the feeling of running a race. Which I did this morning. After running a race, of any length, I always feel invincible. Also the best feeling ever._

_And, thanks for the reviews :) Can't forget that part. I appreciate it lots and lots!_

~.~

Chandler woke up, rolling over to look at the time. Groaning at the realization that he still had another hour to sleep but was wide awake, he buried his face in his pillow. He was used to waking up in the middle of the night. However, he was not used to waking up in the middle of the night alone.

His chest hurt from the feeling of waking up alone at the time Rachel would usually get up to leave. Physically, it hurt.

He missed her.

He missed her already, and she'd only been gone less than three hours. Which meant that he had slept maybe all of two hours, if that.

He should still be sleeping right now.

Tiring of trying to get back to sleep but thinking of nothing but Rachel, Chandler finally sat up, deciding that since he was awake, he'd might as well get ready and go to work early. If he was gone early, there would be no chance of running into Rachel that morning. And he really couldn't handle running into Rachel that morning. Really, he wasn't sure when he would ever be ready to handle being around Rachel again. How the hell did she and Ross handle it? The thought alone was agonizing. God, even the thought of the thought of it was agonizing.

He really needed to stop thinking about it.

Throwing his feet over the edge of the bed, Chandler finally got up with a sigh.

Might as well start what was sure to be a _fantastic_ day….

~.~

Rachel lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She had been lying there for hours, awake, thinking, wondering. Wondering if she had done the right thing. Wishing things could be different. Running through the possible scenario of not breaking up with Chandler and telling Monica and Ross about them instead. Running through what could have possibly been the case if the test had been positive. Running through every second of the past few months with Chandler, right down to that first night in the bar. Why did she let him kiss her? This all could have been avoided had she just not let him kiss her.

If only he had never kissed her. Then she would have never known how agonizing it was to live without him.

Rolling over to look at the clock, Rachel groaned, squeezing her eyes closed as she held back tears. It was the time she usually woke up to leave Chandler's.

God, she wished she could sleep. She physically willed sleep to come, not wanting to get up and face the day. What if Chandler came over? What if she ran into him in the hallway? What if she ran into him at Central Perk? Or getting her mail? Or at any other moment of the day since they lived five freaking steps away from each other?

Why did this feeling have to hurt so god damned much?

And, why, no matter who she fell for, did she always end up getting hurt?

~.~

"Hey," Joey greeted Monica as he walked into her apartment.

"Hey," Monica replied, sitting alone at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal.

Joey looked around, then at the time. "Where is everyone else?"

Monica shrugged. "Got me."

"Huh," Joey sat down. "Chandler's not at home. Figured he would be here."

"Nope," Monica shook her head before taking another bite, sure that Chandler was again avoiding her. Perfect. Just what she had hoped to accomplish by kissing him.

"Is Rachel gone already?" he turned around, looking at her door.

Monica shrugged yet again. "Apparently."

Joey looked down at his watch, thinking for a moment before speaking. "Did my watch die?"

Monica laughed, a slightly biting laugh. "Nope," she stood up, taking her bowl to the sink. "It's really that early."

Joey stood in place for a moment longer before shrugging, grabbing a bowl for himself and sitting down at the table, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

~.~

_Next update should be longer, promise :) Reviews? Thanks :)_


	14. Ch 13: Did You Know I Miss You?

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 13: Did You Know I Miss You?**

~.~

_It seems like the longer I'm back here, the longer my fics are getting…hmmm…_

_Also, bonus points to whoever can guess my favorite song of all time based on the chapter title :) One person should get this. Although, hardly anyone ever participates in my guessing games, so…._

~.~

Chandler hurried down the street on his lunch hour, planning on stopping at the deli down the street quickly before working on a presentation for that afternoon which he should have already finished. In the few weeks since his relationship with Rachel had ended, Chandler had been working hard and working long hours, needing both a mental and physical distraction. It was working, too, for the most part. Working early and late kept him from having to run into Rachel, and working hard kept his mind occupied, so thoughts of Rachel were kept to a minimum. And, on what may be seen by some as another plus side, he was also being considered for a promotion, which he was pretty sure was more or less a result of his hard work the past few weeks coinciding with one of his managers leaving.

Walking through the door and heading towards the end of the line, Chandler froze, his stomach falling.

"Rach," he whispered, taken back by the sight of her less than a foot in front of him. He had literally seen her only two times since they broke up. Both times had been as they were both leaving their apartments. Neither of them had stopped to speak, only offering a slight smile, afraid of what a conversation might lead to. A conversation seemed inevitable today, though.

"Hey," Rachel replied quietly. "Ho-how are you?" she continued on, clutching both her purse and the bag with her food in it tightly, awkwardly looking down before looking back up, wishing for some kind of escape but unable to find it.

Chandler shrugged. "Okay," he breathed out, willing himself to speak. "How are you?" he asked, awkwardly and sincerely all at once.

"Okay," Rachel nodded as well, holding eye contact though it hurt. God, did it hurt.

Chandler dug his hands deeply inside of his pockets, the hurry he had been in all but forgotten. "I miss you," he continued on, not having planned on being that honest with her, but unable to hold it in.

Rachel bit her bottom lip, her face falling. "I miss you, too," she replied. "We haven't seen you much lately," she added as an afterthought, since the others had mentioned his absence lately, too.

"I've been working a lot," Chandler replied honestly. "I'm actually up for this pretty big promotion in the next couple of weeks," he shrugged modestly, feeling like he should care about it a lot more than he did.

"Really? Congratulations, that's great," Rachel smiled sincerely, causing Chandler to smile as well.

"Yea, well," he again shrugged, the two staring at one another, not sure what to say next. "Is this going to get easier?" Chandler finally vocalized what they were both wondering, and Rachel could only shrug.

"I don't know," she replied.

"With you and Ross, it got easier," Chandler continued. "Right?" Rachel nodded, not offering anything else. "This doesn't feel the same, though, does it?" Rachel shook her head, obviously close to tears. Chandler looked down, praying she didn't start crying in the middle of the restaurant. "I should go," he whispered, and Rachel only nodded, biting her bottom lip as she attempted to regain her composure. "It was really good to see you."

Rachel took a deep breath as she nodded. "It was really good to see you, too, Chandler," she replied quietly, both of them holding each other's gaze for a moment longer before turning in their separate directions, both fighting themselves not to look back.

~.~

"Are you avoiding me again?"

Chandler turned around in his Barca Lounger to see Monica in his doorway, arms crossed. Chandler closed the laptop on his lap, standing up as he shook his head.

"No, I'm not avoiding you, Mon," he took a couple of steps forward. And, for once, it was the truth.

"Oh," Monica closed the door behind her, letting her arms hang at her side. Chandler took note that now that he wasn't lying, she believed him when he said that. "I just, I haven't seen you much since…" she trailed off, knowing he knew she was referring to when she kissed him.

"I've been working a lot," Chandler shrugged. "I'm up for this kind of big promotion, and…I've been working a lot…."

Monica nodded. "That's what Rachel said."

Chandler tried hard not to flinch at her name. Did Monica ask Rachel about him, or did Rachel talk to Monica about him? Not that he should hope for either.

Looking at Monica, actually looking at her, he noted that she seemed nervous. She was picking at her nails, avoiding eye contact. God, why couldn't he have picked Monica over Rachel when he had the chance? Not that he had much choice in the matter, but he could have forced himself to believe there was nothing there with Rachel before he got hurt. He could have.

Yea, maybe if he repeated that enough times, he could forget the feeling that being with Rachel gave him. Kind of like how being with Rachel had made him forget what being with Monica had been like, though he was almost certain his feelings for her hadn't been the same as towards Rachel. Not that they couldn't have been, but he hadn't gotten there yet.

"Can we start over?" Monica finally looked up, cutting into Chandler's thoughts.

"Sure," Chandler shrugged, looking at her in amusement as he extended his hand to her. "Hi, I'm Chandler. I think I was roommates with your brother in college? You live across the hall, right?"

Monica swatted at his hand, shaking her head. "Not start over that far," she laughed. "Just…pretend like London never happened. And everything after."

Chandler looked at her for a moment, not sure what to think of that. "Do you…_want_ to pretend like London never happened?" he asked rather uneasily.

Monica looked him in the eye at that, and he knew her unspoken answer to that was no. However, she nodded. "I think we need to. I miss you. I miss seeing you everyday and talking to you. I don't want you to purposely sit as far away from me as possible whenever we're in the same room. I just…I miss you, Chandler."

Chandler held her eye contact as she took another small step closer, suddenly realizing something. He'd spent so long trying not to be with Rachel, being with Rachel, and missing Rachel, that he never noticed how much he missed Monica. She had been one of his best friends up until a few months earlier.

Chandler finally nodded. "I miss you, too."

"So…friends again?" Monica asked, slight smile on her lips.

"Did we ever officially stop being friends?" Chandler asked, attempting a joke, and Monica humored him, laughing slightly as she stepped forward and hugged him. "Yea, we can be friends again," he added more sincerely, hugging her back. He let the hug linger a moment longer than he should have, praying that Monica was being sincere and wasn't going to kiss him again. Because if she did kiss him right then, he was probably vulnerable enough that he would have kissed back. And he didn't want that right now.

He didn't need that right now.

Luckily, Monica was the one to actually pull back. "I'll let you get back to work," she motioned towards his computer, and Chandler nodded. "You should come over for dinner tonight. Even if it's not for long. We haven't seen you in a long time…."

Chandler nodded. "Come get me before you guys eat."

"See you in a little bit, Chandler," Monica offered one last smile before leaving.

Chandler smiled in return, watching her go. "See you later, Mon."

~.~

"So, if you don't fill out the new data sheets until Monday instead of finishing them by the end of the day Friday, it completely throws our WENUS out of whack," Chandler explained, hating that he was the one having to lecture a group of interns-recently-turned-employees who seemed to be getting careless now that they felt they had a bit of job security. He was feeling more like a babysitter than a boss.

"And we don't _want_ out WENUS to get whacked?" one of the guys asked sarcastically, causing the three girls around him to giggle.

Chandler bit his tongue. He wanted to be the one making a joke about WENUSes getting whacked. Actually, he could have made an even better joke than this kid about WENUSes getting whacked. Really, who did this kid think he was? This was _not_ how he wanted to start his morning….

_Mr. Bing_, Chandler's assistant's voice came on the intercom, interrupting his internal rant. _You have a phone call._

"Can you tell them I'm in a meeting, Helen?" Chandler asked, trying to hide his current frustration and wanting to finish this meeting as soon as possible and get on with his day.

_It's Rachel. She said it's an emergency._

Chandler's heart dropped. Why was Rachel calling him? They weren't even speaking. What was an emergency? "Thanks, Helen," he quickly mumbled, picking up the phone in front of him and hitting the blinking extension number, forgetting in his panic that he was in a room full of people. "Hey, Rach? Wait, what?" he listened as she explained. "Where? Yea, no, give me five minutes," he hung up the phone, immediately heading out the door, all but running as he left, leaving five slightly confused employees staring at each other in his sudden absence.

~.~

_In case you hadn't noticed, I've run into some free time this week. Said free time will be nonexistent starting next week, though, so enjoy a few more quick updates while they last. _

_Reviews, please and thank ya :)  
_


	15. Ch 14: It All Comes Back in the Morning

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 14: It All Comes Back in the Morning**

~.~

_Friendsfan101 and KMJ both earned some bonus points for knowing my favorite song (_Konstantine _by Something Corporate…Go listen to it. Now). I'm not sure what, exactly, bonus points are good for, but…thanks to all who humored me; I'm easily amused :)_

_And, thanks everyone who reviewed. And to everyone who is reading! My traffic has gone way up on this story lately. Hope you guys can keep it that way! _

~.~

Chandler rushed down the hallway of the hospital, paying careful attention to the room numbers. Suddenly making a sharp left turn when he saw the number she had given to him, he stopped, completely out of breath as he walked in. Rachel was curled up on her side, facing away from the door, but turned towards him suddenly at the sound of someone entering. At her red eyes and look on her face, he continued over to the bed, sitting down beside her as he wrapped his arms around her, letting her bury her face in his chest as she continued to cry. He held her, rubbing her back as she cried, occasionally kissing her hair, too wrapped up in her emotions to feel any of his own.

"I didn't know," she finally said after a few minutes, pulling away slightly. "God, I'm a horrible person. How could I not know I was pregnant?" she asked rhetorically. "I mean, you sometimes hear these stories about these women who don't know they're pregnant until they're literally giving birth, and it's in the middle of the subway or a bathroom somewhere or something, and it's like, god, how dumb are they?" she sniffled, wiping at her eyes. "I didn't know," she continued on, bottom lip quivering as she tried to hold back from crying. "Thirteen weeks, and I didn't know," she again paused, trying to stop crying. "I mean, the test was negative, and then when I didn't get my period after that, I just-I just thought it was from stress, and-and being upset. I didn't know," she shook her head furiously. "You-you believe me, right? I mean, I would have told you-"

"God, yes, of course I believe you," Chandler cut her off, that thought having never crossed his mind.

"I didn't know," she finally whispered, and Chandler pulled her back into his arms again, kissing the top of her head as he tried to sort out his own feelings on losing the baby he hadn't known existed, but too caught up in Rachel's feelings to hurt for anyone other than her.

~.~

The rest of the day flew by and dragged on at the same time, something Chandler hadn't known was possible until he experienced it. Because she was thirteen weeks along, Rachel's doctor had recommended a dilation and curettage, and Rachel had agreed, not wanting to wait for her body to miscarry naturally.

Listening to the doctor tell them about the procedure was emotional. Waiting with her before the surgery was emotional. Waiting for Rachel to wake back up after was emotional.

And then, within a few hours, they went home. They wordlessly walked up to Rachel's apartment, thankful that Monica was working all day. Chandler unlocked Rachel's door using her key, and they both walked slowly to her bedroom, Chandler closing the door behind them as Rachel crawled into bed. Looking up at him, eyes still red, as he was sure they had been all day, he felt the lump in his own throat that he'd been trying to swallow all day, trying to be strong for her.

Still without speaking, Chandler walked over to her bed and lay down beside her, Rachel curling up beside him as he wrapped his arms completely around her, Rachel again beginning to cry. Chandler ran his hand down the back of her head as she pressed her face into his chest, tired of crying, but unable to stop once she again started. Squeezing his own eyes shut to hold back tears, Chandler kissed her forehead, and they both remained quiet, eventually silently crying themselves to sleep from the emotionally exhausting day.

~.~

"Rach?"

Rachel stirred at the sound of her name and a knock on the door.

"Rachel?"

Chandler now stirred slightly as well, the door opening before either of them could move.

"Hey," Phoebe smiled, entering the room. "I, um, went to your work to see if you wanted to have lunch today like we talked about since I had two clients cancel, but they said you were only there for like half an hour this morning and then went home sick," she spoke to her as if it were completely normal to walk in on her in bed with Chandler.

"I, um, yea, I did," Rachel sat up slowly, looking at Chandler and then at Phoebe, caring about too many other things at the moment to really worry about Phoebe finding out something had happened between her and Chandler.

Chandler, too, glanced back and forth between the two. "I'm gonna go change," he finally stood up slowly, looking at Rachel a moment longer, feeling that she might want to be left alone with Phoebe at the moment, and, honestly, needing a few minutes to pull himself together. "I'll be back later," he promised her, and she nodded, watching as he left.

Once the front door shut, Phoebe walked closer to the bed, where Rachel was still sitting. "What happened, Rach?" she finally asked softly off Rachel's demeanor, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"I-I, um," Rachel began, voice quivering. "I, um, I didn't feel that great this morning. I don't know how to describe it, I just…didn't feel that great. And then I got to work, and I just had…the worst cramping feeling ever. Horrible. Like, I couldn't stand up it was so painful," she continued on, wiping her eyes. "So, I um, I went to the hospital, and-and," she took a few shaky breaths, and Phoebe placed a hand softly on her arm, letting her pull herself together before speaking again. "I had a miscarriage," Rachel finally continued, barely in a whisper. "I didn't even know I was pregnant," she added. "God, how didn't I know I was pregnant?" she looked at Phoebe, not sure why she was pouring her heart out to her. "I mean, if I had, maybe it wouldn't have happened. And I just, I can't stop crying," she forced a laugh, accepting the tissue that Phoebe grabbed from her bedside table and offered to her. "I didn't even know I wanted a baby," she whispered as she wiped her eyes. "How does it hurt so much to lose something you didn't even realize you had? Something I didn't even know I wanted?" she asked softly, Phoebe still sitting patiently.

"I don't know," Phoebe finally responded honestly.

"Does it make me a horrible person, though? I mean, if I had known-"

"There's most likely nothing you could have done anyway," Phoebe cut her off, knowing that on top of everything else, Rachel really didn't need to feel guilty right now.

"But at least I would have known," Rachel whispered, still trying to stop crying.

After a few moments of silence, Phoebe finally spoke. "Is it Chandler's?" she finally asked softly, knowing Rachel could have guessed that she figured as much. "I mean, he's a good guy, and I'm sure there's every chance in the world he would go with you to go through something like that if you asked, but," Phoebe paused.

"B-but?" Rachel urged her on, still crying slightly.

"He looks as heartbroken as you right now," Phoebe still spoke softly. "And you haven't been seeing anyone that I know of in quite some time, and…" Phoebe trailed off.

"And?" Rachel asked, and off Phoebe's look, nodded. "You're right, but where are you going with that?"

"Everything in the past few months makes sense now," Phoebe nodded, piecing everything together. "Why Chandler wouldn't have wanted to be with Monica-"

"You knew it was Chandler and not some guy from her work?" Rachel asked, not having known Monica had told her.

"She spilled to me one night after a few margaritas," Phoebe nodded. "You guys aren't together anymore, are you?" Rachel shook her head slowly. "And that's why we haven't seen Chandler for the past month or so, but none of us could really figure out why…" Rachel nodded, and Phoebe stood up.

"Where are you going?" Rachel asked quickly, not wanting to be alone at the moment.

"To go get Chandler," she replied, for which Rachel was grateful. "I'm going to occupy Monica for the night after she gets off work. I'll figure something out with Joey and Ross, too. You guys will be alone," she added before heading out.

"Phoebs?" Rachel called out after her, and Phoebe stopped in the doorway. "Thank you," Rachel forced the best smile she could under the circumstances, which Phoebe returned.

"You're welcome," she replied quietly before walking out Rachel's front door and in Chandler's.

The second the door opened, Chandler jumped, though he still faced the kitchen counter, afraid of who was walking in.

"Chandler," Phoebe said softly when he didn't turn around.

"Yea?" Chandler answered quietly, and Phoebe walked towards him, so he finally looked up, eyes red. Though he had never presented himself as the strongest and was undoubtedly neurotic, he was usually far from the emotional mess he currently was, loose tie pulled away from his neck and crumpled up dress shirt untucked completing the picture.

"Go be with Rachel," she nodded towards the door. "You lost a baby, too. And you both hurt right now. So, go be with her," she said quietly, and Chandler nodded, trying his best not to lose it completely. "Do you need a hug?" she asked, slightly joking, when Chandler failed to move, and he only nodded, laughing slightly as Phoebe stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

"Thanks, Phoebs," Chandler whispered as he pulled away.

"No problem," she smiled. "See you later, Chandler," she added before walking out the door, leaving him alone.

Chandler stared at the door for a moment before heading into his room to change. He came back out minutes later in sweatpants and a tshirt, heading back to Rachel's. Locking and chaining her front door behind him, not caring if Monica came home and wondered about being locked out of her own apartment or if Joey came home and wondered where he was, Chandler headed to Rachel's room, where she was still laying in bed, facing away from the door. She didn't turn around until he lay down beside her, at which point she rolled over completely in bed, letting him wrap his arms around her.

And she kissed him. Hard. She kissed him as if everything she was depended on it, because, really, she felt like it did. And he kissed back, trying to slow her down, but needing to feel a connection with her just as badly as she needed it. After a few minutes, the kisses did slow down, and then eventually stop, Rachel laying her head against Chandler's chest.

They needed to talk. They had now spent the entire day together without really talking. And they needed to talk.

Closing her eyes, Rachel concentrated on just the rise and fall of Chandler's chest as he breathed. They could talk in the morning.

After a few minutes, Chandler leaned down and kissed the top of Rachel's head, assuming she was asleep. "Love you," he whispered before shifting his weight, wrapping his arms even tighter around her as he closed his eyes, needing to go to sleep as well.

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut at that, concentrating on keeping her breathing steady to feign sleep, not wanting to talk about that tonight, either.

They could talk in the morning.


	16. Ch 15: I Miss the Way We Sleep

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 15: I Miss the Way We Sleep**

~.~

Chandler woke up, rolling over and extending his arm, frowning when he was met with nothing but an empty bed. Slowly opening his eyes, he sat up, glancing first at the empty spot where Rachel had been, and then at her alarm clock. It was just after two in the morning. They had already slept the majority of the evening and night, though, so he found himself wide awake, and assumed that's what had happened when Rachel woke up, as well. Standing up, Chandler walked out to the living room, which was still dark and empty, and then to the bathroom where the light was on, knocking as he walked in, though the door was open.

"Hey," he said softly as he walked in, Rachel looking up from the bath she was in.

"Hey," Rachel replied softly. "I couldn't sleep," she shrugged as Chandler walked closer, sitting down on the closed toilet seat.

"Me, neither," Chandler replied, watching as Rachel took a deep breath before dipping her head under the water, staying under for a few second before coming up slowly, wiping the water from her face and wringing out her hair as she did. "You okay?" Chandler asked, watching as she stared straight ahead, not looking at him.

Rachel shrugged, running her fingers down her stomach, feeling completely empty inside. "I don't know," she finally admitted. "I just keep thinking," she sighed heavily, and Chandler reached out to touch her shoulder.

"Your water's cold," he frowned at the coldness, expecting her skin to be hot, not cold.

"I've been thinking for awhile," Rachel nodded. "I think there were bubbles in here at some point in time, too," she moved her arms in the water, motioning to show there weren't any left.

"What are you thinking about?" Chandler asked softly when she offered nothing else, and Rachel frowned. "I mean, you don't have to tell me-"

"No, it's fine," she shook her head. "Just…I've been thinking about everything for the past few months. Trying to remember everything. Every headache I had. Any time I felt nauseous or overly tired. Just…trying to remember…_something_," she again sighed.

"Rach, there's nothing you could have done, even if you have known," Chandler said slowly.

"You don't know that," Rachel snapped back, making eye contact, and from the look she was giving him, he knew one thought had crossed her mind as well as his. If she had known…they would have still been together. She let that thought, among others, go unsaid, though, turning her attention back to the water.

Chandler stared at her for a moment longer, trying to decide what to do next, unsure of what to do for her. "Hungry?" he finally whispered, to which Rachel nodded.

"Starving," she replied, still staring straight ahead. "Can you hand me my towel?" Rachel asked as Chandler stood up, and he nodded, grabbing it from behind the door and handing it to her as she stood up. He kept eye contact as she wrapped the towel around herself, stepping out of the bathtub after pulling the plug. She stepped out slowly, Chandler immediately wrapping his arms around her as she headed to him. And she let him, seeking solace in the hug, having been sitting alone thinking in circles for much longer than she should have.

"You're freezing, go get dressed," Chandler whispered, kissing the top of her head, feeling her shiver. Rachel nodded, staying in the warmth of his arms for a few seconds longer before turning to leave. "Where is everyone, by the way? I mean, I know I locked the door, but I kind of figured someone would have broken the door down by now, or at least called or something…." Chandler trailed off as Rachel walked into her room.

"Phoebe said she'd occupy everyone tonight, whatever that means," Rachel yelled back from her room, coming out a few seconds later, Chandler grinning at what she was wearing.

"I've been looking for that sweatshirt for nearly two months," he laughed.

Rachel shrugged. "Guilty?"

"I'll let it slide, this one time," Chandler smiled at her before turning back to the kitchen, opening up the refrigerator. "Okay, I feel really uncomfortable making any kind of food in Monica's kitchen…."

Rachel laughed at that. "I've lived here for five years, and _I_ feel really uncomfortable making any kind of food in Monica's kitchen."

Chandler laughed as well, grabbing a loaf of bread. "I think I'm comfortable making toast."

"Toast _might_ be pushing it, but if you're okay with it," Rachel joked, and Chandler smiled to himself, glad he was making her laugh, at least for the moment.

After putting the bread in the toaster, Chandler turned to face Rachel, who was now sitting at the kitchen table. When he opened his mouth to speak, though, Rachel shook her head, knowing from the look on his face where he was going.

"We'll talk in the morning, okay?" she asked, almost pleaded. "My mind can't handle thinking of anything else for the time being. So, can we just do this," she motioned between them, "without trying to figure out what it means until tomorrow? Because I _need_ you right now…."

Chandler nodded at that, feeling the same. "Yea," he swallowed slowly. "We can talk in the morning."

~.~

Rachel woke up to the sun shining through her window, sitting up as she realized she was alone. Looking at the time, though, she realized why. She contemplated staying in bed, not really feeling like dealing with life; the day before she had dealt with enough. She wanted to stay in bed all day, in Chandler's sweatshirt, and sleep off the day before.

She knew that was no use, though. She would eventually have to wake up and face reality.

Slowly getting out of bed, Rachel peeled off Chandler's sweatshirt, leaving it behind. Wearing it would surely do nothing but illicit questions, none of which she wanted to answer. Reaching for the door, Rachel braced herself, putting on the best fake smile she was capable of.

"Morning," Chandler was the first to greet Rachel as she walked out of her room, everyone else either in the kitchen or living room.

"Feel better?" Monica asked as Rachel walked into the kitchen. "Phoebe said you were sick yesterday."

"Yea," Rachel nodded, sitting down at the table between Chandler and Joey. "Just needed some sleep."

"Good," Monica smiled before turning back to the stove, where she was making omelets for breakfast.

"Too bad you were sick, you missed one hell of a séance last night," Joey shook his head. "We were just telling Chandler about it 'cause he worked late and missed it, too."

"I don't know that consulting a Ouija board and lighting a few candles counts as a séance," Ross scoffed from the living room.

"Oh, it counts," Phoebe countered immediately.

"Ross participated in a séance?" Rachel laughed.

"Okay, I did not participate, I was just spectating," Ross corrected her.

"Then why did you get so freaked out when the Ouija board spelled out the word 'monkey' when you were doing it?" Joey laughed.

"Okay, one, I did not get freaked out-"

"Oh, you were totally freaked out," Monica laughed.

"Two," Ross continued. "I didn't get as freaked out as Joey did when he asked it how many women he'd slept with and it got it right, and then he asked what day he would die, and it gave the date."

Joey cracked up. "Dude, I was just screwing with you. I spelled out all of those things on purpose."

Phoebe's eyes widened. "You messed with the Ouija board?" she asked in shock.

"Did we mention how many blenders full of margaritas we went though?" Monica asked, turning around and handing a plate to Joey.

"Sounds like we missed a good night," Chandler raised his eyebrows before glancing at Rachel, who was playing with the hem of her shirt. She wasn't looking as okay she did a few minutes earlier. "What else did the Ouija board predict?" Chandler asked, smiling at Monica as she handed him a plate next.

"That you would be the next one of the six of us to get married," Joey replied before laughing, that thought obviously amusing him.

"It must have been mistaking me for Ross," Chandler smiled at that. "I mean, he's got two up on the rest of us in that department so far, so if I were to predict anyone for that…."

"I gotta go," Ross shook his head, standing up. "As much fun as our ten-year-old girl-esque sleepover was the first time last night, I don't really think I need to relive it," he headed towards the door. "I'll see you guys later."

As everyone else said goodbye to Ross, Chandler reached under the table, squeezing Rachel's hand. She looked up, forcing a thankful smile, wishing everyone else in the room would disappear and leave the two of them alone to speak.

However, she was infinitely thankful for the presence, fearing the moment they would be left alone to speak

~.~

Chandler lay in bed alone, staring at the ceiling. He hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Rachel again. Maybe, if he was being honest with himself, he had even been avoiding being alone with her.

He didn't want to talk about what they were. Because he didn't know what they were. What did he want them to be? He couldn't be sure, but he'd spent the past almost two months doing nothing but hurting and missing her.

The thought of losing the baby they would have had together hurt. He'd never even wanted a baby. But the thought of having one with her…

He wanted to be with her. Consequences be damned, he wanted to be with her.

Sitting up in bed, he decided to head over to her apartment, needing to talk to her, and talk now. Opening his front door, he nearly jumped, not having expected Rachel to be on the other side, having just come out of her apartment.

"Sorry," she laughed. "I just, felt like we needed to talk…."

"Yea," Chandler nodded. "Me, too…"

Rachel took a deep breath, twisting her hands for a moment before speaking. "Nothing has changed," she finally whispered.

"What?" Chandler looked at her, not understanding.

"Nothing's changed," she repeated. "If we were to be together, and really be together, letting everyone know," she took a deep breath, "it would still hurt Monica and Ross, and you know it. And I don't want to do that. Them, and you and Joey and Phoebe, you guys have been my family for the past five years, and I just, I can't stand the thought of losing that, being the cause of that ending," she looked him in the eye, holding back the few tears she had left to cry.

"Rach," Chandler shook his head, completely taken back by that.

"And I know that's how you feel about all of us, too, because you have less of a relationship with your family than I do with mine."

Chandler shook his head again. "Screw the six of us. I can make new friends. I want you."

"Chandler, don't make this harder than it has to be-"

"But how can you say that nothing's changed?" he stepped even closer to her.

"Because nothing has changed, besides the universe sending us an even bigger sign that, hey, we're not meant to be together," Rachel spat out, having a hard time saying the words, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

"Rach-"

"Chandler, no," Rachel pleaded. "We can't be together."

"This is a two person decision," Chandler shook his head.

"No, being together is a two person decision. Not being together only takes one," she whispered, looking down.

Chandler was silent for a moment, not believing his heart could get any more broken than it had been already. "Fine," he whispered. "If you can tell me that you don't love me, I'll walk away so fast that you'll forget what it was like to ever be with me. I'll go back to being your friend."

"I don't love you," Rachel squeezed her eyes shut, saying it quickly, as if that made it any less true.

"Look me in the eye and say it," Chandler nearly ordered her.

Rachel made eye contact, tears still streaming down her face, and before the words were even out of her mouth, Chandler knew it was a lie. However, the fact that she was even saying it was enough. "I don't love you," she whispered, and the second it was out of her mouth, Chandler turned back towards his apartment, walking in and slamming the door behind him, leaving Rachel alone in the hallway to cry and ponder her decision.

~.~

_You guys emotionally exhausted yet? Haha. I swear I am going somewhere with this! _

_Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter, and keep it up, please! Even more reviews would be awesome, too. Ya know, just sayin'….'cause, I work 50 plus hours a week, and go to class, and then still find time to write, so…reviewing only takes like ten seconds and makes my day infinitely better :)_


	17. Ch 16: The Status Quo

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 16: The Status Quo**

~.~

_Ho-ly crap, you guys are amazing! Where did the 15 reviews for one chapter come from? Seriously, you guys have completely made my, like, month. Well, okay, week. Finding out that my two favorite bands of all time (Counting Crows and Something Corporate) are playing here only a week apart later this summer actually made my month (um…I kind of squealed like a tween girl when I found out Something Corporate was having a reunion tour. Like, seriously. Ah!) _

_But, for real, thank you SO much for the reviews! I couldn't keep going here with out you guys!_

~.~

Chandler woke up but didn't open his eyes, not wanting to get out of bed and face the day. His heart felt heavy. And his head. He felt worse than before, if that was even possible, after losing Rachel a second time. And losing the baby, the feeling of which struck him in a horribly surprising way.

And why did it have to be Sunday? If it had been a weekday, or even a Saturday, he could have hidden under the pretense of work. But Sunday? Even when he'd been working a lot of hours lately, he still didn't work on Sundays.

He was eventually going to have to leave his room. And, when he did, he would most likely have to go over to Rachel and Monica's with Joey. Or down to the coffeehouse. Or somewhere that would include everyone else.

Maybe Rachel wouldn't be there.

Maybe she was a better liar than him and could find a reason to stay home, or hide out in her room, or go…somewhere. Anywhere away from him. Maybe go somewhere with her mom for the afternoon. Damn his nearly nonexistent relationship with his family and no one living nearby.

Finally rolling over, Chandler glanced at the clock. Eleven-thirty. He almost laughed, not believing that Joey had let him sleep that long without wanting or needing something from him. Maybe Joey hadn't even been home the night before; he'd been too focused on himself and Rachel to notice. Sitting up with a heavy sigh, Chandler glanced out the window. From the gaps between his blinds, he could see how grey and gloomy it looked outside.

All too appropriate.

Swinging his feet off the side of the bed, Chandler stood up, deciding he'd might as well start this god-awful day.

~.~

After taking a ridiculously long shower, making himself breakfast (more like lunch, from what time it was), and cleaning the majority of his apartment, Chandler sat down in his Barca Lounger with a sigh, unable to come up with anything else to do at the moment. He needed something to do, though, needed something to occupy his time. Just as he reached for the remote to turn the TV on, Joey walked in the door.

"Dude, where have you been all day?" Joey looked at him, confused.

Chandler looked around, as if to say he was there. "I was here…."

"Why?" Joey looked at him in bewilderment.

"I…live…here?" Chandler replied slowly, and Joey just shook his head.

"Dude, you're never not working lately. It's never the six of us like it used to be. Coffeehouse, now," Joey looked at him expectantly, and Chandler could tell from the look on his face it wasn't worth fighting with him right now. Not unless he wanted to cough up some answers, and he felt like doing no such thing.

"Fine," Chandler conceded with a sigh, unable to come up with a decent lie or excuse not to go that wouldn't involve more questions. Standing up, he followed Joey out the door, glad Joey kept the small talk to a minimum as they headed down to the coffeehouse.

The second they were through the doors, Chandler immediately noted that the only two empty seats left were beside Monica on the end of the couch, or next to Rachel at the table. She didn't look up when he came in; he didn't look directly at her as he immediately made a beeline towards the couch, needing to sit there and leave Joey by Rachel. He couldn't handle sitting beside her right now. Hell, he couldn't handle looking at her.

Monica looked up and smiled at Chandler, moving over a bit to make room for him as he sat down. Chandler did his best to return her smile, not wanting any questions about anything at the moment, though he felt his smile was awkward and forced and that she would no doubt question later if anything was wrong.

Rachel hadn't looked up at the boys when they walked in, having been staring out the window when they neared the door. She immediately diverted her attention, not wanting to so much as accidentally make eye contact with Chandler, knowing she wouldn't be able to bare it without breaking down. Letting him know there was no chance of getting back together had taken every ounce of strength she had left after everything else the past two days, so much so that eye contact would no doubt completely break her down.

She knew the only two seats left were next to either herself or Monica. She knew he would sit by Monica. She knew him well enough to know that he was as broken inside as she was at the moment, and that he couldn't handle sitting beside her, either.

However, having him sit next to Monica over her still hurt a bit. It still tugged at a part of her heart that was jealous at the thought. Jealous at the thought of him sitting all too close to Monica. Jealous that now that she had made it perfectly clear they would never happen again, and had seen how much that killed him, he had no reason not to want to go back to being with Monica. He should be with Monica. He should have been with Monica all along instead of her. It would have made more sense.

That thought brought tears to Rachel's eyes. She attempted to blink them away nonchalantly, trying to fix her attention on the newspaper sitting on the table in front of her.

Once Rachel had looked down, Chandler glanced up at her, only for two seconds, before looking away again. She was on the verge of tears, which killed him, because that's how he felt at that second. How the hell were they going to do this? They couldn't be around each other. Sitting ten feet apart made them both hurt irreparably. How the hell could they do this without everyone finding out what the hell was going on?

They couldn't. That was the only thought running through Chandler's mind. They couldn't do it. All of this hurt over keeping everything at the status quo, yet maintaining that status quo was impossible. One of them was going to have to back off in a huge way, or else everyone was going to find out. It wasn't going to be the same. It couldn't possibly be the same.

It couldn't possibly be the same. Yet he couldn't have her because she wanted it to stay the same. There had to be some kind of irony in that.

~.~

_This will not be heart-wrenching forever, I promise you that. I am also going somewhere very specific with it; just have faith and some patience. And leave some more super awesome reviews. 'Kay? 'Kay :)_


	18. Ch 17: Something

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 17: Something**

~.~

_Thanks for breaking 100 reviews! Always exciting :) Keep it up, please!_

_Also, you'll all be happy to know that I've revamped where I was going with this, and we are now (kinda-sorta, more or less) nearing the end. I realized what I originally had planned would have been entirely too drawn out, and, as appealing as having enough chapters to get to 200 reviews would be, we all know that we don't need more un-finished Randler stories, which I fear this would have turned into had I attempted that route. I may take that original route and make it into its own fic; we shall see._

_Anyway…enjoy :)_

~.~

Chandler sat at his desk at work, staring blankly at the computer screen. He felt like he'd been living in a trance for days now. Weeks, maybe. One minute, he'd be in bed. He'd blink. The next minute, he'd be at work. Blink again. Back at home. He'd been making an effort to hang out with everyone, trying his best to make things go back to normal, but he was simply going through the motions.

He missed her. He was mad at her, pissed off at her, because she wouldn't give them a real chance. But, he found it hard to be too mad at her, since he still loved her and all.

Joey had asked him what was wrong that morning. When he was about to leave for work, Joey had stopped him, arms folded, and asked what was up with him lately. Chandler had shrugged it off, acting like he had no idea what Joe was talking about. Although Joey wasn't always the quickest, he hadn't really bought that nothing was wrong. However, he moved out from in front of the door, letting Chandler go to work, figuring he would talk to him when he was ready.

He missed her.

When he was around the group, he would sometimes catch Phoebe staring at him, giving him a sympathetic look. He wondered if she had talked to Rachel and knew what was going on, or if she was just gathering from both of their demeanors what had happened.

He missed her.

He was trying very hard to live up to his word and act like nothing had ever happened. It was easier said than done, though. Because it hurt to see her. He couldn't even look her in the eye, or sit within ten feet of her, or speak to her without wanting to cry.

So, he didn't.

He sat as far away from her as possible and avoided all eye contact and didn't dare speak directly to her. Or about her.

Everyone else was going to notice soon, if they hadn't already. He was abnormally quiet when he was around, and absent the rest of the time. Work was a good cover for his absence, but it didn't explain his somber demeanor the rest of the time.

A slight knock on the door made him jump, having been too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice the presence of one of his colleagues.

"Hey, man, we're all taking off at noon and going out to celebrate Doug's birthday," the man in the door explained, and Chandler looked at him inquisitively.

"I thought Doug took today off?"

"All the more reason to celebrate his birth," he grinned. "You in?"

Chandler chucked at that. He knew for a fact that going out when he had a broken heart had 'bad idea' written all over it, yet it seemed like the perfect plan for the moment. "Sure, why not," he finally shrugged, though he could name at least ten good reasons not to.

~.~

Chandler stood in front of his locked door, bewildered at the fact that it was locked, yet he couldn't seem to find his keys. He wasn't sure if it was his more or less inebriated state that made the task so difficult, or if he really did forget his keys that morning. They weren't in his jacket pocket. Or his pants pocket. Or his briefcase. After checking all of the above for the fifth time, he sighed heavily, looking at the door to apartment twenty. Was there any chance that Rachel wasn't home? Well, that Rachel wasn't there, but Monica was? God, he hoped so. What day was it, anyway? Wednesday? Rachel should be working. Monica should be home.

Finally giving into the idea, he took the few steps between their doors, trying their doorknob. The second it turned, he realized there was no turning back and opened it the rest of the way, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief when he was greeted by Monica sitting on the couch and the door to Rachel's bedroom wide open.

"I'm happy to see you, too?" Monica looked at him strangely because of his heavy sigh.

"Do you have the spare door to my key?"

Monica looked at him for a moment, smiling slightly at the fact that drunk Chandler amused her, though it seemed kind of early in the night to be that drunk already. "Do I have the key to your door?" she repeated the correct way, and Chandler thought through what he had just asked.

"Exactly," he grinned, and Monica laughed, standing up and heading into the kitchen. Grabbing the key from a drawer, she held it up. Chandler reached for it, but she grabbed it back.

"Only if you tell me what's up."

Chandler shrugged. "Not much….What's up with you?"

"Chandler," she looked at him, and his face fell as he again sighed. "Well…?"

"It's complicated," he shook his head, reaching out for the key, which she then closed her fist around.

"Complicated like, it's about a girl?" she looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Because in all of the time I've known you, the only times that I've seen you completely wasted usually involve a girl."

Chandler again sighed heavily. "Mon…."

Monica stared at him for a moment longer before again holding out the key. "Fine," she handed it to him, and he took it hesitantly. "I just thought…I thought things were going to go back to the way they were between us. And before…you would have come to me about something like that."

Chandler sighed, looking down as he played with the key in his hand. "There is no girl."

"But there _was_ a girl?" Monica probed further, eliciting another sigh. "I'll take that as a yes?" Chandler walked away from her, sitting down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Monica followed him, cautiously sitting beside him." You can…talk to me about it…."

"No, I can't," he shook his head earnestly.

"Why not?"

"I just…can't."

Monica looked at him for a moment, knowing she had already gotten more out of him than she would have had he been sober, and feeling slightly guilty for that. And, in all honesty, a bit jealous. "Was it serious?" she asked softly.

Chandler closed his eyes, swallowing hard. "It could've been," he replied, just as softly.

"Why haven't we met her?"

Chandler thought that one through for a minute. "Because I can't be with her…" he trailed off. "Well, according to her, I can't be with her," he added, bitterly.

"Why can't you be with her?"

"I work with her."

"Huh," Monica continued to stare at Chandler, hurt both by his distress and the fact that there was someone else in his life that he cared so much about at the moment, when only months earlier she thought that feeling had been reserved for her. "Her loss," Monica finally said, reaching out for his hands, which were angrily twisting his key.

Chandler looked up at her when he felt her skin on his, and despite everything else in his life at the moment, all of the hurt over Rachel, all of the feelings he felt towards Rachel that hadn't been numbed by the alcohol, all he could think of was what it had been like to be with Monica. Without thinking (because alcohol had impaired that ability), he leaned in, kissing her. Hard. He kissed her because he needed to feel something other than hurt or numb, and kissing her accomplished that.

And, for a few seconds, she kissed back, allowing him to pull her closer, her hand somehow finding the back of his neck as he wrapped his arms around her. However, she soon pulled away, shaking her head. "Chandler," she whispered. "What are we doing?" she asked, attempting to read the intense look in his eyes.

"Making out?" he replied quietly, and Monica smiled slightly at that.

"Chandler," she repeated.

"I'm sorry," he offered, still speaking quietly, noting that though Monica had stopped the kissing, they were still sitting very close together since she had yet to move away. "I just…need to feel…something," he spoke slowly, staring down. "And you make me feel…a lot of something," he added, looking her in the eye.

Still trying to read the look of intensity in his eyes, Monica immediately caved when he leaned in, kissing her again. Because although she had been attempting to get over the fact that they weren't going to happen (or so they both said), she couldn't help but hold onto the thought in the back of her head saying there was something there between them that seemed like they were meant to be. And that part of her wanted to kiss him, needed to kiss him as badly as he needed to kiss her at that moment, no matter what his reason for the kiss was.

Bedroom or home.

That was Chandler's only coherent thought. They either needed to move to her bedroom, or he needed to go home. They couldn't make out on the couch. They couldn't do what the making out was leading to on the couch. He didn't even let the reason behind that cross his mind, knowing it would only hurt to think of her, but he knew they couldn't stay where they were, doing what they were doing.

Bedroom or home.

Wandering hands and frantic kisses were making it hard to pick the latter. He was now lying on top of her, her hands beneath his shirt, his roaming up and down her body on top of her clothes.

Bedroom or home.

Finally making his decision, Chandler pulled back slightly from the kiss, attempting to catch his breath as he began to speak. "Mon…."


	19. Ch 18: Carriage

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 18: Carriage**

~.~

_Thanks for the reviews! The one, "Yay, Mondler!" review I got in the midst of all of the, "No, Mondler!" reviews made me crack up. You guys are too funny. _

_The chapter title is the title of the Counting Crows song that more or less inspired this fic. You should go check it out. For real._

~.~

Chandler woke up, head pounding as he slowly opened his eyes. It was still dark out. And he was in Monica's room. Naked.

Fuck.

At least she was still asleep. As quickly as possible without disturbing Monica, Chandler disentangled himself from her sheets, standing up. He grabbed his clothes from the floor beside the bed, dressing quickly. It was just after three in the morning. Thank god it wasn't later. Or earlier.

What the hell had he been thinking? This seemed to be a vicious cycle; he would sleep with Rachel when he was upset about Monica, and sleep with Monica when was upset about Rachel. Not exactly a healthy cycle. Or a smart one. And one that would undoubtedly soon lead to someone getting hurt.

Soon lead to? That was a joke. All three of them had already been hurt. Yet, neither of the girls was as hurt as they could be if they found out…well, everything.

God, he was a bastard. Worse than a bastard. What word meant bastard, but worse? Chandler. He'll just call that word Chandler.

Quietly opening up Monica's bedroom door, he was greeted with a welcoming silence. Tip-toeing across the living room, he noted that Rachel's door was now closed, meaning she had come home at some point. She had come home while he was asleep in her best friend's bed after sleeping with her best friend.

God, he was the definition of the word bastard.

Making it across the living room and out the front door, he sighed. Reaching into his pocket, he found the key he had gone over to Monica's in search of earlier. God damn him for forgetting his keys that morning. And for going over to Monica and Rachel's for his spare. And for Dan, Dave…whatever the guy's name was who actually invited him to go out for Doug's birthday. Steve. His name was Steve. Damn, Steve!

Closing his front door and slumping up against it, Chandler sighed.

He felt like crying.

He needed to get over Rachel. Completely get over her. He needed to get over loving her and losing her. He needed to get over the fact that, in her eyes, they could never be together. He needed to get over the baby they might have had together. He needed to let go of all of the dangerously happy 'what if's' he had thought of between them.

He needed to get over her.

Yet, when he tried to get over her, tried to let himself feel anything other than hurt over her or numb over her, it only hurt more. Feeling good being with Monica hurt more because Monica wasn't Rachel. No one else was Rachel.

He needed to get over her.

Swallowing his feelings for her, he stood up straight, moving towards his bedroom. The thought of getting over her, no longer loving her, hurt almost as much as he hurt right now, if not more.

And he deserved every ounce of hurt he had coming. Because, damnit, he was a bastard.

~.~

Chandler hesitated in the hallway between apartments, briefcase in his hand, ready to go to work early. Or go to Monica and Rachel's for breakfast. If he didn't at least stop over, he was afraid that would make things weird again with Monica. But, if he did…he would have to face Rachel. He would have to coexist with her. And he felt entirely too guilty about the night before to do so.

God, life had been easier when it had seemed nearly impossible to get a girl.

"Hey, I was just about to go get some food, too!" Joey came out of their apartment, heading for the girls' apartment. "I'm starving, and I smell pancakes!" he added, reaching for the doorknob. Chandler followed, trying to hide the fact that he was sulking, not wanting Joe to try to continue their conversation from the morning before.

The second he walked in the door, he made eye contact with Monica, who was, as Joey had predicted, making pancakes. "Morning," she smiled at the boys, holding eye contact with Chandler a moment too long before turning back to the stove.

"Morning," Joey returned, sitting down beside Rachel at the table, leaving Chandler with the seat across from her and next to Monica at the stove since Phoebe was sitting on the other side of Rachel.

"Morning," Chandler also forced out, trying hard not to look at Rachel as he sat down, a hard feat since she was directly across from him.

"Hope you guys are hungry," she turned around with a plate of pancakes, placing a hand on the back of Chandler's chair as she handed the plate to an eagerly waiting Joey. Chandler looked up at the action, again making eye contact with Monica, returning the small smile she gave him when he did so before turning back to the food she was making.

Rachel watched every second of what transpired between them, biting her bottom lip. Monica and Chandler slept together again. She could tell. She could tell from the looks between them. She could tell from how awkward Chandler looked to be around her. God, did it happen when she was home? Or at his place? Closing her eyes, she cursed herself; why was she trying to figure out the details? Opening her eyes, she finally looked at Chandler, who was now looking at her. She held eye contact though it hurt, his guilt palpable, neither of them noticing that Phoebe was looking back and forth between the two, trying to piece together what new had happened between them.

When Monica turned around, though, about to hand the next plate to whoever was ready for it, the hurt look she witnessed between Chandler and Rachel suddenly made everything in the past few months click.

It was Rachel.

The girl he couldn't be with. Why Rachel had been acting so weird the past few months as well, though she insisted to Monica she was fine. Monica had brushed off Rachel's odd behavior as still being more or less mad at Ross for attempting to cut her out of his life. And Rachel was why Chandler had been avoiding not her, but everyone, for so long. Why Chandler didn't want to be with her. Why Rachel was no help in that situation.

"I'm not that hungry," Rachel suddenly stood up, needing to get away from Chandler. Away from Monica. Away from the situation. "I'm just gonna head to work. See you guys later," she added, hurrying out the door, not caring if they wondered about the reason for her sudden departure.

"More for me," Joey shrugged, taking another bite of pancake.

"Hey, Joe, wanna share a cab to that audition?" Phoebe asked, seeing the look on Monica's face and slowly piecing together the rest of the story.

"You're heading that direction?" Joey looked at her, confused.

"Yea, making a house call for a client," Phoebe shrugged.

"Huh," Joey looked at her. "You do that?"

"Yep, now, c'mon, Tribianni, I'm leaving now!" she nearly ordered, grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair as she marched over to the door.

"Oh, but I'm not done eating yet," Joey whined, still taking another bite of food as he stood up, taking the plate with him. "Hey, Mon, I'll bring the plate back later," he added, following Phoebe out the door, receiving only a nod of acknowledgment from Monica.

Chandler stared straight ahead, away from Monica. From the hurry Phoebe had been in to leave and get Joey out, too, he gathered that Monica had realized something. Something he hadn't wanted her to. Something he had hoped and prayed she would never find out about.

"It's Rachel," Monica's voice cut right through the awkward silence, thick with everything left unsaid between them for months. She stood behind him still, not moving, spatula still in hand. "The girl you can't be with…it's Rachel," she repeated, almost in disbelief.

Chandler closed his eyes. Shit.

"Ho-how long has that been going on?" she continued on, moving to the side of the table, taking his silence as confirmation. "Chandler, look at me…."

Chandler looked up, guilt evident in his eyes. It was true. It had to be true. He hadn't fiercely denied it yet, so it had to be true.

"Chandler, how long," she spoke slowly, each word seeming to drag on for an eternity.

Chandler took a deep breath, licking his lips slowly, knowing the answer would only add to her anguish. "Since, uh, since-since the night Phoebe had the babies," he barely even whispered, again looking down, unable to take the look in her eye as she deciphered his reasoning behind his actions for the past few months.

Monica continued to look at him in disbelief, more pieces falling together. "So…you were just leading me on. You never actually wanted to be with me," she crossed her arms. "And, god," she turned around in exasperation, "god, I told her about you! I asked her for advice about you, for weeks. Oh my god, I'm such an idiot," she shook her head, pacing around the kitchen. "And she's who you were avoiding seeing, not me. None of this, **none** of this was about me. Last night wasn't even about me. Chandler, look at me, damnit!" she ordered, now standing across the table from him.

"Why do I need to look at you, you seem to have it all figured out," he spat out, standing up now as well, his anger and frustration towards Rachel coming out directed at Monica instead. "You have it all figured out that the only reason I went after her was because **you** crushed me when **you** didn't want to be with me. That was all you, Mon," Chandler shot back, but didn't stop there, unable to stop the words once they had started pouring out. "And if you have it all figured out, I'm sure you also know that the reason she didn't want to be with me was so that we wouldn't be hurting you. And, hey, while we're at it, I'm sure you already know that the reason we've both been so goddamn miserable for the past month is because she had a miscarriage and it killed me in a way I didn't know was possible," he finished his rant, now close to tears. "So, I'm sorry, Monica, if it's not **all** about you," he faced away from her, towards the window behind the sink, chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to pull himself together.

Monica swallowed slowly, unsure of what to say to that, not having expected him to be so brutally honest with her.

"Last night…last night was about you," he finally added, still not turning towards her. "Last night was about you," he repeated, softer this time. "Because…it might not be what I was missing, but you make me feel something, and last night…I really needed to feel something…."

Monica looked down, on the verge of tears as well, trying to take in everything he had just said. "You should be with her," she finally whispered, and Chandler finally turned towards her in surprise.

"What?"

"You should-you should be with her," she nodded. "If you love her that much….you should be with her," she repeated, eyes brimming with tears. "Because I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few months, a lot of analyzing of everything between us," she motioned between the two of them, "and…I'm pretty sure I had my chance with you, and I blew it," she shrugged, now wiping at her eyes. "I've had a million little chances over the years and one really big chance, and I blew them all," she shook her head. "And if it hurts you both that much not to be together…" Monica took a deep breath, "You should be."

Chandler stared at her in disbelief. "But she doesn't-"

"But she doesn't want to be with you because it would hurt me?" Monica cut him off. "If it makes you both this miserable not to be together…go be with her."

"Monica," Chandler said softly, still in disbelief, reaching out for her arm.

Monica shrugged him away. "Go. Seriously. I'll be fine," she nodded, reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "It's not like you're that great of a catch, anyway," she added, attempting a joke, and they both laughed slightly, needing the humor to help cover up the hurt.

"I do care about you," Chandler continued softly. "I always have."

Monica nodded slowly. "I know."

"And, I really do think…" Chandler trailed off, and they both left it at that, knowing that vocalizing that they really could have been something had things worked out differently would do nothing but sting their already open wounds.

"Go get her," Monica whispered, needing him to leave at that second, needing him to get away from her.

"What if-"

"Chandler, go, okay?" Monica cut him off, somewhere on the verge of angry and miserable.

Chandler still hesitated, both unsure that Monica was as fine as she was claiming to be, as well as unsure that Rachel would still want him after however it was that she figured out what had happened the night before with Monica. However, he was also unable to take one more minute of standing in Monica's kitchen, trying to decide this. And every second he spent there was one second less of trying to undo whatever hurt he was currently causing Rachel.

So, unprepared as to what he was going to say once he got to her at work, he turned to leave. He hesitate in the doorway, glancing back at Monica, who was now staring down, fingers still wrapped around her spatula so tightly her knuckles were turning white. Not knowing what else to say to rectify the situation with her, either, and not wanting to make things any worse than they had to be, he turned to leave, closing the door slowly behind him.

As soon as the door closed, Monica walked over to it, pulling the chain shut before collapsing back against the door, letting herself break down completely, feeling like a complete idiot for not realizing anything that had happened in the past few months sooner.

~.~

_I skipped my run this morning to write this. So, pretty much, you should leave some reviews. Please and thank you :)_


	20. Ch 19: Worth It

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 19: Worth It**

~.~

_Today marks my 9__th__ anniversary on this site…sheesh. I did take a 6 year hiatus. BUT still. That's a long freaking time. When I came back, I considered making a new penname. But, I was pretty attached to this one and everything I'd already written (embarrassing as it may be), so I didn't. I'm glad I didn't. Anyway, happy 9__th__ birthday to BluEyes, haha._

_Thanks for the reviews…keep them coming, please and thank you! You have no idea how much I appreciate them!_

~.~

Rachel sat at the desk in the middle of the fitting rooms, her first client of the day running late. She stared at the post it note on top of a stack of papers, not at all paying attention to what it said, but rather just picking at it around the edges.

She missed Chandler more than she would ever admit outloud, even if she could admit it to anyone. And though she had no real right to be hurt or angry that he had slept with Monica again…she was both.

The night before, Rachel had gone out to dinner with Ross. She had reluctantly agreed to go only after much coaxing on his part, wanting to talk to her and make up for attempting to cut her out of his life, even if it had been short-lived. After apologizing, he had also asked what was wrong with her lately. She had let too long of a pause hang in the air before answering that nothing was wrong, and she knew he knew she was lying. Hell, the guy sitting at the table furthest from them in the restaurant could probably tell she was lying. Telling Ross even a fraction of the truth would have been nothing but disastrous, though.

She wasn't about to admit outloud, to Ross or anyone else in the world, that what was wrong was that she missed Chandler. That seeing him still stung. That she hated herself for telling him she didn't love him. That a tiny part buried deep inside of her ached from the possibilities she had run through in her mind of a future with him the night she had taken the pregnancy test before it was negative, or the fact that she missed out on all of those after she lost the baby.

Really, though, she needed to stop thinking about this at work. She had run out of waterproof mascara and really didn't want to end up with black streaks down her face from using her back up mascara and crying at work.

As soon as she heard footsteps coming, Rachel looked up. Who she was greeted by was not Mrs. VanWheaten, as she had expected, though, but a very out of breath Chandler. Pursing her lips, Rachel fought herself whether she should tell him to leave and refuse to speak to him, or to actually listen to whatever he had come there to say.

So, they stared at each other in silence for a moment, Chandler's chest rising and falling less rapidly as time went on.

"Did you run here?" Rachel finally asked, and Chandler breathed out a half-sigh, half-laugh of relief.

"Actually, yes," he smiled slightly, but she didn't return his smile, so he sighed. "I want to be with you," he finally said, unable to think of any other way to put it. "I can't get over you. No," he caught himself, "I don't **want** to get over you. I want to be with you," he repeated, and Rachel stared at him, trying not to give into any kind of emotional response. "I love you," he continued quietly, "and I know you love me, too. I know you do. I know you still do, because if you didn't, it wouldn't hurt so damn much just to make eye contact with each other." Rachel finally nodded, biting her bottom lip, so he continued. "A relationship is two people. Two. Me and you. Not Monica. Not Ross. Not Phoebe and Joey. Me and you. Screw who ever else we're hurting by being together-"

"Or I can just let you do that for the both of us," Rachel snapped quietly, still sitting down.

Chandler's face fell. God, he was going to lose her for good over one stupid night. "Last night," he took a deep breath, unsure of what to say to make it hurt her any less. So, he didn't. He just told her the truth. "Last night, I was drunk, and I was upset, and god, I missed you," he took a step forward. "I missed you," he repeated, emphasizing each word. "And I missed feeling anything other than miserable because of that. And, god, I don't even know if I owe you an apology, or if an apology even helps, but…I'm sorry."

Rachel nodded, tears in her eyes. "I miss you, too," she finally said quietly. "But-"

Chandler shook his head, cutting her off. "Why does there always have to be a 'but' between us? Why can't we be together? If you make it just about us," he motioned between them. "Why can't we be together?" Rachel was silent at that, looking down. "I want to be with you. Today, tonight, tomorrow, every day, forever. I. Want. You. That's big coming from me. And it's scary, even to me. I just…" he trailed off, trying to find his nerve. "I just had a million happy what-if's in my head for a future with you. And, god, that scares the crap out of me to admit outloud, but…I want to admit it because I want you, and-"

"Chandler," Rachel cut him off softly, standing up. She took a deep breath, not sure what to say, but feeling the need to cut off his speech as she stepped towards him, staring into his eyes. "I love you, too," she finally whispered, causing his lips to turn up slightly in a soft smile. "I lied before when I said I didn't. And…God, I want to be with you, too," she finally admitted, tears still in her eyes. "I want to be with you. And that scares me. And hurting Monica and Ross, that scares me. But," she shrugged helplessly, and Chandler took her hands. "I love you. And I want to be with you. And I don't know where we go from here, but," she again shrugged helplessly, hands still in Chandler's.

"We'll figure it out," Chandler smiled at her reassuringly, and when Rachel returned his smile, he pulled her in, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. "I love you," he whispered into her hair.

"I love you, too," Rachel whispered in return. With those three words finally said outloud, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted since they had both been swallowing them down for months now. However, they both knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

"I hope to God that is your boyfriend and not your first client," at the sound of Mr. Waltham's voice, Chandler and Rachel broke apart.

"Yes, Mr. Waltham, this is…" Rachel trailed off when he continued walking away. "Once we deal with all of this," Rachel motioned between them, "I'm going to deal with how over-qualified for this job I am…" Chandler laughed slightly at that, smiling when Rachel looked up at him. "And dealing with this…with everyone…it's not going to be easy," Rachel added more seriously.

Chandler nodded. "I know."

"I mean, I can't even imagine how Ross is going to react, and I can't imagine Monica wanting to be around us much, and I just really can't imagine any scenario that plays our very well for everyone."

Chandler again nodded in agreement, all of those scenarios having played out in his head as well. "Is it worth it?"

It was Rachel's turn to nod this time. "It might make me entirely selfish, but," she smiled at him, "yes, it is worth it."

"Good," Chandler reached out and squeezed her hand. He needed that reassurance because he had a feeling that, for all that they'd already been through, the shit was really about to hit the fan this time. And that was the exact phrase he used in his head for how he imagined the rest of that day panning out: the shit was about to hit the fan.


	21. Ch 20: The Bananas REALLY Hit the Fan

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 20: The Bananas REALLY Hit the Fan**

~.~

_Thanks for the reviews! You guys rock! :) And totally made my terrible, horrible week last week much less terrible._

_I'm not sure exactly how many more chapters this will have, but we are, in fact, at least nearing the end. And, you'll all be happy to know that I also have a new Randler AND a new Mondler fic in the works for once I'm done with this. Or you only care about one of those. Because it seems you guys can't all be both hardcore Monder and Randler fans like I am, haha._

~.~

Chandler slumped into his desk chair after finally getting to work, having been working on what he was going to say to Ross later. He told Rachel he would rather be the one to tell Ross. Rachel had hesitated before agreeing, saying that Ross at least wouldn't hit her if he was upset. Chandler thought it would be best coming from him, though.

As his office door flew open, Chandler all but jumped out of his seat. And when he saw that it was Ross who had burst through his door, he did stand up, though hesitantly.

"What the hell does, 'Go ask Chandler,' mean when I ask Monica why she's so upset this morning?" Ross hissed angrily, and Chandler swallowed hard, not having taken into consideration that Ross had been the only one not yet present at breakfast that morning, and therefore would have been the one to show up and see how upset he had left Monica. "Chandler," he repeated sternly. "What the hell happened?"

"I-I, um, it's-"

"Is there a sentence anywhere in there?"

Chandler took a deep breath. "Look, Ross, it's not as bad as you're probably thinking it is," he finally started, but then retracted that statement. "Actually, it's probably worse than you're thinking it is…."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Okay, beginning of the story," Chandler took a step behind his desk as Ross took a step closer. "Well, crap, I don't know which beginning to start at. I don't know which part of this is going to piss you off less…."

"How about you start at the _very_ beginning," Ross suggested through gritted teeth, growing impatient.

Chandler took a deep breath. He was cornered, both literally and figuratively. No time to find an easy way to say all of this. "So, um, in London, the night-the night before your wedding," he started slowly, but then trailed off.

"In London, the night before my wedding," Ross repeated after him.

"I, um, Monica and I, we um-"

"I _really_ hope the ends of these sentences are as great as the beginnings," Ross sneered sarcastically.

"We slept together," Chandler finally finished the sentence, and he could swear that if Ross were a cartoon character, his eyes would have bulged out of his head by now. That, and he was just now noticing that Ross had the same vain as Monica that seemed to pop out of his forehead when he was angry.

"You, what?" Ross took another step towards Chandler, who again took another step away, still behind his desk.

"If you're gonna hit me, you're gonna want to wait, because there's more," Chandler attempted a joke, but Ross failed to see the humor in the situation, and Chandler went back to seeing Cartoon Ross with eyes bulging out of his head, and now steam coming out of his ears. He nearly laughed at the characterization of Ross, but held back, knowing that he didn't need to add to the list of reasons Ross would soon have to hit him. "When we got back," Chandler finally continued, "we, well, she, decided it would be best not to let it happen again, you know, not wanting to mess up our friendship or anything."

"I'm following," Ross said through gritted teeth when Chandler again paused.

"I, um, I…was, um, really upset about that, and, um, Rachel was really upset about you cutting her out of your life, and, um, we, um," Chandler took a deep breath. Cartoon Ross's head was now literally popping off as well. "We, um, we went out one night, and we got really, really drunk, and…we slept together," he finished in a whisper.

"So, my ex-girlfriend, and my little sister. All within about a week's time, if I'm keeping up with the timeline," Ross again took a step closer. Chandler nodded, attempting to swallow. "What the hell-"

"Oh, we're not done," Chandler sighed, wishing to god that was the end of the story.

Ross looked at him, and Chandler realized he was out of things for Cartoon Ross to do other than hit him as well. "We dated," he finally said softly. "For months. In secret. Because we didn't want to hurt you and Monica," he continued on.

"Nice job side-stepping that one," Ross scoffed angrily.

"And then we broke up. For that reason," Chandler added quickly.

Ross stared at him for a moment, knowing that wasn't the end. "Monica wouldn't be so upset if you were broken up."

Chandler nodded. "Long story short, I was really, really upset over everything that had happened with Rachel, and I missed her, and I was miserable, and I went out with the guys after work last night, and I got really drunk," he trailed off, knowing Ross was seeing a pattern here. "And I came back home and was locked out, and I went over to Monica's, and one thing lead to another, and…."

"And you're an asshole."

Yes! Yes, I am an asshole," Chandler agreed whole-heartedly. "And, the best part is, Monica somehow figured everything out this morning. As did Rachel. And Monica," he took a deep breath. "Monica told me that, if I love Rachel that much…to go be with her."

"Which you are going to do."

Chandler nodded slowly. "Which I'm going to do."

Ross stared at Chandler until Chandler broke the eye contact, looking down. "You're a bastard," Ross stated, and Chandler didn't look up. "I know that was the _Reader's Digest_ version of that whole story, too, judging from how upset Monica was, but I'll let you leave it at that, since I don't know that I even want to know that whole story," Ross paused, staring at Chandler as he continued to stare down. "You know what the worst part is? That all of this probably would have hurt a hell of a lot less had you both just been honest about it about five months ago," Ross continued, voice now almost calm. "And I'm not even going to hit you. Because I think that's what you want because it would make you feel better about everything you've done. But I'm not going to give you that," he turned around in disgust. "Some best friend you are," he added before walking out, closing the door behind him.

Chandler sighed heavily, again collapsing down into his chair, head in his hands.

Ross was right; some friend he was. Both to Ross, and to Monica.

~.~

Rachel walked slowly up the steps to her apartment on her lunch break, knowing that as much as the conversation with Monica was going to hurt, it really needed to happen sooner rather than later. Reaching her door, she took a deep breath before opening it. When she opened the front door, Monica was on her hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. Rachel would venture to guess that she was cleaning because she was upset.

"Hey," Rachel offered quietly when Monica looked at her. Monica just raised her eyebrows at her before looking back down, going back to scrubbing the floor. "Okay, I deserve that," Rachel sighed, pulling out a kitchen chair and sitting down. "Look, Mon, I don't know what to say here to make anything better."

"Probably because there isn't anything to say here to make things better," Monica shot back, pulling off the yellow rubber gloves she was wearing and setting them on the side of the sink as she stood up.

Rachel stood up as well. "Monica, I'm sorry-"

"And is 'sorry' supposed to cut it here?" Monica turned to her angrily. "I can eventually get over Chandler hurting me, because he's just a guy, and I can get over a guy, but you," she shook her head. "You're my _best friend_, Rach. You're not supposed to be the one hurting me."

"Mon-"

"And you knew!" Monica continued. "You knew how I felt about him, and you just let me tell you! You let me talk to you about him and ask for advice about him, and all along, you were the one…" Monica trailed off, shaking her head. "I don't know whether I'm more hurt or mad at you right now, Rachel, I honestly don't."

Rachel stared at the floor, unsure of what to say to that. "I'm sorry," she finally repeated.

Monica nodded at that, biting her bottom lip, trying to hold back her tears. "I can't forgive you right now," she finally said. "I can't. I can't forgive you," she repeated as Rachel again made eye contact. "I can't forgive you right now, and I really can't be around either of you right now," Monica shook her head, walking towards her room.

"Monica," Rachel attempted to follow her.

"Unless you want to ruin your chances of ever being forgiven, don't," she cut her off, shaking her head fiercely as she turned around. "I just, I can't be around either of you right now. It hurts too damn much," she turned back towards her room. "I'm sure you, of all people, can appreciate that right now," she added before walking into her room, slamming the door shut behind her.


	22. Ch 21: Finally, Officially

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 21: Finally, Officially**

~.~

_Thanks for the reviews! Keep it up, please and thanks. :)_

_Sorry for the slight delay with this chapter…the words in my head just wouldn't come out right, if that makes any sense at all…. Well, that, and work, and going through a bit of a quarter-life crisis…._

~.~

Chandler stared at the clock in the corner of his computer screen, somehow hoping that if he stared at it long enough, it would eventually be later in the day. He was failing miserably, though, in that time seemed to be crawling even slower. Glancing up as his door opened, he smiled when it was Rachel who walked through the door. She attempted to return his smile, but failed miserably, closing his door behind her.

"Long day?" Chandler asked, standing up as he walked towards her.

"That's an understatement," Rachel groaned, heading straight towards him for a hug. "I talked to Monica," she continued once she had his arms around her tightly.

Chandler kissed the top of her head. "I talked to Ross."

"I just want to go home and go to bed and get today over with and have it be tomorrow," she whined, pulling back slightly so she could look at him.

Chandler leaned down to kiss her, thinking that through. Glancing back at the time, and then down at her, he decided he would much rather leave early right now and deal with any work left undone tomorrow. "How about, dinner, then home and bed?" he suggested.

Rachel smiled slightly at that. "I think I could deal with that."

~.~

Hand-in-hand, after having a rather silent dinner, Rachel and Chandler headed back to their building, still in silence. Not an uncomfortable silence, though, just silence, emotionally exhausted from the day. As they passed Central Perk, Phoebe, who was walking towards Central Perk, waved happily when she saw them.

"Aw, yay!" Phoebe exclaimed as they neared her. "Are you guys back together?"

Chandler looked down at Rachel, smiling. "Yea, we are."

"Aw, I'm so happy for you guys," Phoebe grinned, hugging them both. "Not for Ross and Monica. But those two need to _not_ get what they want from time to time," Phoebe nodded matter-of-factly. "Anyway, they'll get over it. I'll see you guys later," she added with a grin before heading into the coffeehouse.

"At least we have one supporter," Rachel offered as they entered their building, heading up the stairs.

"I'm sure we have more than _one_ supporter…."

Rachel shrugged at that, not feeling that way at the moment. She really wished that their conversations with the Geller siblings could have waited, feeling like the bad outcome of that was putting a damper on what should have been a very happy day since she and Chandler were finally, officially, together.

Chandler opened his door when they reached it, still holding Rachel's hand as they walked in. Joey, who was standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator open when they walked in, paused, looking at them curiously as they walked through.

"Ask Phoebe," was all Chandler said to an open-mouthed Joey, not quite sure what was going on between the two or how to react to it. Joey watched after them as they walked into Chandler's room, closing the door behind them. Not two seconds after the door had closed, Joey raced out of the apartment, needing to find Phoebe and have her catch him up on the situation, making a mental note to ask Chandler for the details about it later.

Once they were through the door, Chandler stopped, pulling Rachel in and kissing her, slow but passionate, the kind of kiss words fail to thoroughly describe but that you can feel in the pit of your stomach. The kind of kiss he had been wanting to give her for well over a month now.

"I love you," he whispered as he pulled back, resting his chin on top of her head, his arms still around her in a tight hug.

"I love you, too," Rachel replied, looking up at him before kissing him again. After a couple of quick kisses, she nuzzled against his chest, enjoying being in his arms again.

Chandler moved over to the bed, pulling Rachel with him as he sat down, leaning up against the headboard. He closed his eyes and sighed with content as she cuddled up against him, head lying against his chest.

"I never want to have to miss you like that again," he finally broke the silence, and Rachel looked up at him, and for the first time, allowed herself to see the pain she had been causing him by not even considering their feelings before their friends' feelings. She had known, had felt the pain herself, but seeing that look in his eyes as well broke her heart.

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered, on the verge of tears.

"God, don't cry," Chandler shook his head, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Not my intention…."

"I know," Rachel nodded, and Chandler kissed her softly before she again laid her head against his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest.

"Are you okay? Chandler asked after a moment, and Rachel knew from just that exactly what he was talking about.

Rachel swallowed slowly, taking a deep and shaky breath. "Most days," she finally admitted, slowly blowing out the breath she had held in as she thought through that answer.

"I mean, we haven't really…talked about it," Chandler continued, and Rachel again nodded.

Rachel paused for a moment before sitting up completely, now looking at Chandler. "I didn't know I wanted a baby," she started. "Until after," she trailed off, taking another deep breath, trying to say it outloud, "until after I lost our baby, I didn't know I wanted a baby," she shook her head. "Kids scare me. They flabbergast me. Ben's four, and I still don't know what to do with him when he's around. I don't ask to hold a co-worker's baby when they bring them into work. I mean, I don't dislike kids, and I guess I always thought someday, in the far off future, you know, like, far enough that you would need a DeLorean to travel in to reach anytime soon, but…" she again trailed off with a sigh, and Chandler waited patiently for her to continue, rubbing his thumb in slow circles on her hand, which he was still holding. "I didn't know it could hurt so badly to lose something you not only didn't know you had, but something you didn't even know you wanted," Rachel finally finished, tears again in her eyes.

Chandler nodded, understanding completely. "Me, too," he offered a slight, sympathetic smile.

"I just want to go to sleep for the night," Rachel whispered, ending the conversation, and Chandler nodded, leaning in to kiss her temple before standing up. He grabbed a tshirt and pair of boxers for her to sleep in before stripping down to his boxers, crawling into bed beside her.

Once Chandler's arms were around her, Rachel sighed and relaxed, closing her eyes. "Do you think they'll forgive us?" she finally asked, barely even in a whisper.

Chandler sighed audibly at that question, obviously less sure than he tried to sound. "Of course they will."

Rachel thought that through for a moment before responding, voicing both of their concerns. "What if…what if they don't?"

~.~

_Only a couple more parts to go! Reviews help speed up the writing process; it's scientifically proven. For real, there's a high, negative correlation between amount of reviews and update time (that would be the psych major in my talking, haha).  
_


	23. Ch 22: Lunch

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 22: Lunch**

~.~

_Sorry for the delay with this chapter…I got stuck. Like, I knew what it was supposed to be about, but none of it would come out right. And…I'm not completely un-stuck, so I'm posting it as-is, and making the second half of this chapter its own chapter. _

_The good news is, only two chapters to go after this one, yay!_

_And thanks so much for all of the reviews for the last chapter! You guys rock!_

~.~

"Dinner with my mom this weekend?" Rachel asked Chandler as she glanced once more in the bathroom mirror as she finished getting ready for work before walking into the living room, where Chandler was sitting at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal. She'd been staying with him for the past week, going home only for clothes every couple of days, both of them avoiding Monica as much as she was avoiding them.

"Sure," Chandler replied, Rachel stopping to kiss him as she walked by. "So, what did she say when you told her you were dating me?"

Rachel laughed, walking over to his refrigerator and pulling out a carton of juice. "Well, when I asked if she would like to have dinner with me and Chandler, she said, 'Which one's Chandler, the cute, Italian one, or the cute, gay one?'"

"To which you said…."

"The cute, very _not_ gay one," Rachel grinned, pouring the juice into a glass. "How did things go with Joey last night?" she asked, after taking a drink. "You guys must have gotten home from the game pretty late."

"Yea, okay I think," Chandler nodded. "I asked him how much longer until he completely forgives me for not telling him about anything that happened in the past few months, and he told me three or four more Kincks games, so," Chandler shrugged, "could be worse…."

"At least he's forgiving you," Rachel said sadly.

"Rach, she'll forgive you," Chandler said insistently, standing up and walking to the other side of the counter, where she was standing.

Rachel shook her head. "You don't know that."

Chandler sighed, unable to argue with that. No, he didn't know that.

~.~

Chandler walked out the door to his apartment, pulling it shut behind him and locking it. At the sound of someone coming out of the apartment across the hall, he froze. He contemplated running quickly down the stairs, or perhaps going back into his own apartment, knowing very well that it was Monica.

Run, though, he didn't do. Not this time. And when Monica opened the door, she audibly gasped, obviously also taken back by the site of him.

"I was just…leaving," she whispered as she pointed down the hallway, quickly closing and locking her door as well.

"Monica, wait," Chandler pleaded quietly, and she slowly spun back to face him. It was obvious from the look on her face she had yet to forgive him, but that wasn't really his concern. "Look, I know you hate me right now, and you have every right to, **every** right to be mad," he added, playing with the keychain in his hands, nervous. "And you can be mad at me forever, never forgive me. Just," he sighed nervously, "just, please, don't stay mad at Rachel."

Monica looked down at the keys she was also twisting nervously in her fingers. Chandler watched as she fought with herself over what to say, afraid of what the verdict would be.

"I can't," Monica shook her head. "Right now, forgiving her feels like forgiving you, and I really can't forgive either of you right now," she met his eye momentarily before turning to go, leaving Chandler standing alone between apartments nineteen and twenty.

~.~

"Does she make you happy?"

Chandler looked up suddenly from the newspaper he had been sitting at Central Perk reading as Ross sat down on the couch beside him.

"What?"

"Does she make you happy?" Ross repeated. Chandler nodded. Ross paused for a moment, as if contemplating his next move. "Is the thought of not having her in your life completely gut-wrenching?"

"Beyond gut-wrenching," Chandler nodded again.

Ross sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. "That's where I'm at with Emily," he opened them again, looking at Chandler.

"I'm sorry, man," Chandler added quietly, knowing that did nothing to console him.

Ross shook his head, that having not been his point. "My point is, if you love her that much, and being with her, makes you not feel like this," Ross motioned to himself. He sighed heavily before continuing. "Then…you should be with her."

"Ross-"

"And I think you need to fix things with my sister, both of you do, but if being with each other is what keeps you from feeling like this, well," he shrugged, "I'm not gonna be the one trying to stand in the way of that."

"That means a lot, man," Chandler smiled slightly, patting him on the shoulder. "And, I really am sorry about you and Emily. I know none of us were really that supportive of your relationship with her, but I am on Team Ross and want you to be happy."

"Thanks," Ross laughed at that, appreciating having at least one supporter. "Hey, um, I was just going to grab some lunch, you hungry?"

Chandler looked down at his watch. "I'm actually meeting Rachel for lunch in about ten minutes…" he trailed off awkwardly.

Ross nodded at that, standing up. "Hey, um, actually," he sat back down, "Do you both want to have lunch?"

"Are you sure?" Chandler looked at him in disbelief, not able to believe the man in front of him, who had been so close to hitting him over this same relationship only a week earlier, was now offering to have lunch with them.

"Yea, I mean, I have to get over it eventually, right?" Chandler continued to look at him in disbelief, still not sure where this maturity had come from. "Or, at least that's what the therapist my work is making me go to after an outburst of rage there tells me," he added, causing Chandler to laugh. "See what I did there? Made at joke at my own expense?" Ross added. "Learned that from you."

"At least you learned from the best," Chandler chuckled, relieved that at least half of his problems were now solved. "So," he smiled. "Where do you want to go for lunch?"


	24. Ch 23: Bestfriends

**Standard Lines**

**Chapter 23: Bestfriends**

~.~

_I'm really, REALLY sorry for the delay in updating this…I have no real excuses other than a writers' block. Which is super frustrating, because at many times in the past week, I've sat down to write, and…nothing. No words. Just…nothing._

_Anyway, thank you guys so, so much for the reviews! You rock. Keep it up…we're almost there. One more part to go :) _

~.~

Rachel didn't look up right away from her spot in Chandler's Barca Lounger when the front door opened, wanting to finish the last two paragraphs of the chapter in the book she was currently reading. She expected it to be either Chandler or Joey, since the rest of them hadn't been hanging out like normal in quite some time. She would still see Phoebe, and Chandler and Joey would see Ross every once in a while, and she assumed that Joey, Phoebe, and Ross would see Monica, but all six of them hadn't hung out in well over a month thanks to Geller stubbornness at its best.

"He-hey."

Rachel looked up, almost startled by Monica's voice.

"Hey," she replied in surprise, setting down the book as she stood up, and uncomfortable silence filled the room as both of them struggled with what to say.

"Can-can we talk?" Monica finally asked, to which Rachel struggled to even nod. Monica looked down at the floor, not good at this part. Apologizing felt like admitting she had done something wrong; forgiving someone felt like caving. She wasn't sure which feeling she hated more.

"I don't like how things are right now with us," she finally looked back up. "Any of us."

Rachel nodded in agreement. "Neither do I."

"And I know the reason behind it," Monica continued, sighing heavily, "is me." Rachel was silent at that, now staring at the ground between them, so Monica continued. "I still don't know how to be around the two of you without feeling hurt and betrayed by what you did."

"I'm sorry," Rachel replied, for what felt like the millionth time, though she really hadn't spoken directly to Monica since the day she found out about her and Chandler. In her head, though, she had repeated it time and again.

"I know that," Monica nodded slowly. "Like I said, I really don't know that I can forgive you right now, but," she paused. "I don't want to hate you forever."

Rachel shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. "I don't want you to hate me forever, either."

"And it's going to take time, a lot of time, before I can forgive all of this-"

"That's fine," Rachel nodded eagerly, wiping at her tears.

"But…you're my best friend," Monica said, now on the verge of tears, too. "And that's why it hurts so much. But that's why it hurts even more not to have you in my life…."

"You're my best friend, too," Rachel nodded, taking a step closer to hug Monica, who was now crying just as much as she was. "I really am sorry," Rachel continued, the two still hugging. "We really didn't mean for it to happen like it did, or when it did. It just…happened…."

"I know," Monica replied, wiping her tears with the back of her sleeve as she pulled back, and the two were again silent, the only noise filling the room being the occasional sniffle coming from either of them. "I'm sorry you had a miscarriage," Monica whispered at last. Rachel only nodded in acceptance of that, biting her bottom lip. "That-that must have been really hard."

Rachel nodded slowly, whispering in reply, "Yea, it was."

Monica took a deep, shaky breath. She didn't want it to be awkward and forced between them. They had known each other far too long for it to be awkward and forced. "Can we be best friends again?"

"Yes, please," Rachel choked out in reply.

"I know it might take a while for things to go back to normal with us but," Monica shrugged, "if nothing else, this will all make an awesome story for a toast at your wedding…."

Rachel laughed at that, entirely too hard for how funny the joke had been, and Monica laughed as well, each one laughing harder as the other one laughed harder. It was the kind of laughing two best friends do that's contagious, each one only laughing so hard because the other one is laughing so hard, the original reason for laughing forgotten by the time it's done.

And that's exactly what happened. They both laughed until the tears from earlier turned into tears from laughing so hard, doubled-over in pain from being unable to stop until they were both gasping for air, not even sure what started the fit of laughter.

After they had stopped laughing uncontrollably, like they had at many, various points in the twenty-some odd years of their friendship, in that moment, as simple as that for as complicated as the situation was, they both knew it was eventually going to be okay.

It may not be easy, but it was going to be okay.

~.~

_Sorry if this chapter is a bit of a let-down…as I said, it was originally supposed to be a part of the previous chapter. The next one will be much better/more exciting. AND it's the last part, so that in itself is exciting, a woo-hoo! :)_


	25. Epilogue: Champagne Wishes

**Standard Lines**

**Epilogue: Champagne Wishes  
**

~.~

_This first scene may seem ridiculously close to a scene someone else wrote lately (wink-wink), but…swear to god, it's not stolen, haha. A good chunk of it was actually written first. We are just both on the same wavelength, which you may or may not have noticed already. And, if you're now like, wtf are you talking about, I'll just continue on…._

~.~

Rachel shivered, the kind of shiver that rips through your body uncontrollably to the bone, rubbing her pink mitten-covered hands together in an attempt to stay warm. One would think that, with all of the bodies around, it would be at least slightly warmer. But, no, with one of the coldest Decembers ever coming to an end, the sea of close to a million people was doing no good in keeping her warm. Really, it was doing nothing other than make her extremely claustrophobic, which, up until that point in time, she didn't even know she was.

"Tell me again," Rachel leaned close to Chandler's ear, tucking a hand between his arm and side for body heat, "why are we in Times Square for New Year's Eve?"

"Because we've both lived here forever and never done it," he reminded her of what they had decided.

"Right," Rachel nodded, teeth chattering as she leaned into him. "It sounded much more fun in theory."

Chandler laughed at that. "C'mon. It's not that bad," he wrapped his arm around her body, rubbing his hand up and down in an attempt to warm her up, though it didn't really do any good through her coat and five layers of clothing beneath. "Besides, it's something different."

"Yes, because I was completely against being in a nice, warm apartment with the same people we've spent the past four New Year's Eves with."

Chandler didn't respond to her last comment, instead glancing up at the countdown nervously before looking down. Less than a minute. The ball was dropping. "Hey, can you hold these for a second," he pulled his gloves off, handing them to her. "My shoe's untied."

"Yea, sure," Rachel grabbed them from him, clutching them tightly as she bounced up and down slightly, trying to stay warm and keep her teeth from chattering. "Hey, hey, they're counting," she motioned to him to stand up, the crowd starting to countdown from thirty. "Chandler," she looked down at him, and it was then that she realized he was not tying his shoe. His was down on his knee.

One knee.

Her breath caught in her throat, the world around them slowing down.

"Rach," he began slowly, but his voice was completely drown out by the crowd, lost somewhere in the space between them.

_Twenty-nine. Twenty-eight._

Chandler stood up, grabbing hold of Rachel's hands. "Well, that sounded better in theory, too," he grinned, pulling her close as she laughed, squeezing her mitten-covered hands that were still hanging onto his gloves.

"Yea, can't really hear you down there," she choked out as she smiled at him, in complete disbelief of what he was about to do.

"Rach," he continued, her body now pulled flush against his, his face inches from hers so she could hear over the roar of the crowd as the countdown continued.

_Twenty. Nineteen. Eighteen._

"I love you," he continued, every slow breath he took in preparation for the rest of what he was going to say punctuated with his warm breath condensating in the cold air in front of his lips.

_Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve._

"I love you, and I know it might be too soon, or out of the blue, but, that's how our entire relationship has been so far. And ,Rach," he leaned his face even closer to hers, speaking in a lower voice, close to her ear, "I want to be with you forever. I want to marry you."

_Ten. Nine._

Rachel pulled back slightly, wanting to look him in the eye at that. Her lips curled into an involuntary smile, goosebumps of an entirely different kind making their way up and down her body, tears welling up in the back of her eyes.

He was right. It was probably too soon. And completely unexpected.

How very…everything about them so far.

_Five. Four._

Chandler again leaned closer, the crowd growing even louder as the countdown neared one. "Marry me," he breathed out slowly, his hot breath against her ear.

_Three. Two._

Rachel pulled back, tears in her eyes mirroring the ones in his. "Yes," she nodded enthusiastically, throwing her arms around his neck, and neither of them heard the roar of the crowd as the countdown reached one, and then zero. "Yes," she repeated before kissing him, a kiss seemingly no different than the kisses shared by the rest of the crowd surrounding them, a group of most likely inebriated college kids right behind them half-singing, half-humming _Auld Lang Syne_ as fireworks went off.

It was like a scene out of a movie, that was the thought running through Chandler's mind. Perfection down to the definition of the word. Not something he was normally able to pull off.

As they pulled back, Chandler took his gloves from her hands, stuffing them into his pockets, slowly pulling off her gloves as well. He reached into his pocket before slipping the ring onto her finger. Or, rather, fingertip.

"Damnit, I was doing so well," he laughed, and Rachel joined him. "I guess that's what I get for trying to give you a ring meant for an eight-year-old," he grinned, and they both looked down at what was a plastic ring from a quarter machine.

Rachel looked up at him, grinning. "Does that mean I get to pick out my own ring?" she asked, eyes sparkling as fireworks continued to go off overhead.

"I thought you would appreciate that," he returned her smile, leaning down to kiss her once more.

"I don't know that you have a single flaw," Rachel grinned at him.

Chandler laughed. "Given my track record in…life…it would probably be helpful to remember that thought, right there, for the next fifty or so years…."

Rachel laughed, shaking her head at him. "I love you," she grinned, Chandler's arm still around her waist.

Chandler returned her smile, bending his neck down as he pressed his warm lips first against her cold forehead, then nose, then lips. "I love you, too…."

~.~

"There you guys are," Joey exclaimed as Rachel and Chandler walked through the doors of apartment twenty wearing identical grins, bottle of champagne in Chandler's left hand, his right hand entwined with her left. "The party left," he motioned around, where the four of them were the only ones left, Monica beginning to clean up, the rest of them on the couch.

"No kidding, are you guys frozen yet?" Phoebe asked. "Monica made hot chocolate," she motioned to the kitchen.

"How about champagne?" Chandler handed the bottle to Monica, who had walked over to them.

"You guys are about an hour and a half too late for champagne," Ross looked down at his watch.

"Hey, guys," Chandler repeated, and they all finally turned to look at him, and it was then that they all noticed the grins seemingly plastered to both of their faces. "How about some champagne?"

"And what are we celebrating, Chandler?" Phoebe asked, standing up as she walked over to where they were, as well.

"It's New Year's, Phoebs," Joey laughed, standing up and following them.

"And what are we celebrating, Chandler?" Phoebe repeated, Ross joining them as well.

Rachel and Chandler glanced at one another, Rachel finally blurting out, excitedly, "We're getting married!"

"Aw, yay!" Phoebe was the first to step forward, hugging first Rachel, then Chandler. "I'm so happy for you guys!"

"Du-ude!" Joey slapped Chandler on the back before pulling him in for a hug. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Chandler laughed. "Because you can't keep a secret to save your life?"

"Congrat's, man," Ross offered sincerely, holding out his hand to shake Chandler's.

"Really, you're gonna shake my hand?" he looked at Ross in disbelief, who finally laughed slightly before hugging him, as well.

Monica congratulated Rachel, hugging her before moving on to Chandler. She stood in front of him for a moment, both of them silent. Though things had slowly slowly moved back towards what could be considered close to normal with the group in the past few months, there was still a silent divide when it came to Monica. It was smaller between her and Rachel, but still more noticeable with Chandler. She bit her lip; he shifted his eyes towards the ground. He looked up; she held eye contact.

"Congratulations," she finally offered quietly, and Chandler smiled, a sincere, warm smile.

"Thank you," he replied quietly, sincerely, before wrapping his arms around her in a hug.

"Enough of that stuff," Phoebe waved her hands in front of her. "Champagne!" she reached for the bottle, now sitting on the table, grabbing some glasses as well. "Let's see the ring! Tell us everything!" she nearly bounced up and down, trying not to spill as she poured the champagne.

"Well," Chandler down at Rachel, one arm still around her as he took the glass Phoebe offered, "there isn't really a ring yet."

"What?"

"Was it just a spur-of-the-moment thing?"

"No, it was planned," Chandler defended himself against the last comment, which came from Ross.

"I get to pick out the ring," Rachel grinned.

Ross nodded in understanding. "Coming from the girl who returns so many gifts she has her own line at the customer service desk at Bloomingdale's, I'd say that's wise," he laughed.

"Hey, that's not," Rachel trailed off, finally shrugging in acceptance.

"Okay," Joey took the last glass of champagne from Phoebe. "What are we toasting to?"

"To Rachel and Chandler, obviously," Phoebe held up her glass as well, the rest of them following suit. "May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sunshine warm upon your face-"

"Uh, Phoebs, neither of us is Irish," Chandler laughed.

"Not important," she wrinkled her nose, shaking her head.

"May old acquaintance be forgot!" Joey held up his glass, as well, overly enthusiastic, the rest of them laughing.

"To happiness and love," Monica finally offered quietly, holding up her glass.

Rachel smiled at Monica, repeating that. "To happiness and love."

"To happiness and love," everyone else repeated, clinking their glasses together before taking a drink.

Chandler looked back to Rachel, who was again looking at him. He grinned, taking her hand and giving it a tight squeeze. After everything they had been through the past year, that seemed the perfect way to start the New Year: with happiness and love.

~.~

_Thank you all, so, so, so much for all of the reviews and support for this fic! I enjoyed writing it, and it's always a pleasure to finish a fic (especially a Rander fic!). I currently have a new Randler fic in the works, as well as a Mondler one, so…we'll see how soon I can get to writing either/both of those._

_Final reviews are always appreciated :) Thanks again!  
_


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